Hubble Discovers Largest Clusterf*ck In The Known Universe
After years of peering into the darkest and most distant recesses of our universe, discovering things as unusual as dark matter, the moons of Pluto, and the very edges of the velvet […]
Canada Passes Emergency Bill Limiting Media Outlets To A Single Weed Article Per Day
In response to a bumper crop of articles flooding the Canadian media scene on the subject of today’s official legalization of marijuana, the Canadian government has passed an emergency law officially asking […]
Trump Announces Charity Run To End The Accidental Torture And Dismemberment Of Journalists
In the latest sign that U.S. President Donald Trump is taking the tape-recorded killing of writer Jamal Khashoggi as an occurrence requiring an immediate and significant response, Trump today announced he will […]
Key To Happiness May Be As Simple As Having No Idea What Piers Morgan Thinks About Anything
In a grimly satisfying – if not-entirely surprising – revelation, researchers at the University of Victoria have discovered a common thread through the lives of the world’s happiest people: they have […]
Experts Say Vast Deserts, Absence Of Life, May Indicate Mars Was Once Run By Conservatives
In a recent revelation, published in the respectably obscure scientific journal Knock Knock Who’s There Science Science Who Too Late, a team of experts from the University of Atlantis released their analysis of what ultimately […]
Doug Ford Says Key To Leafs Early Success This Season Is Doug Ford
“Just another example of this government working to put wins back in the pockets of hard working Ontarians,” said Premier Doug Ford, speaking from a booth at a Boston Pizza last night, […]
Calgary Bids To Host Winter And Summer Olympics At Same Time
Looking for ways to take advantage of their naturally terriful weather, and justify spending money it has repeatedly told Flames president Ken King it simply doesn’t have, the City of Calgary today […]
New Quebec Premier Promises To Discriminate In Both Official Languages
“The crucifix is not a religious symbol. No, seriously,” said Quebec’s newly-elected Premier, François Legault, speaking yesterday from a symposium on the role of utterly undisguised bullshit in early 21st century politics. […]
Conclusion: Saudis Have Spent Too Much Money With Other Countries To Have Possibly Killed Journalist
As the mystery continues to grow as to where the Saudi dissident journalist Jamal Khashoggi is, and why he went there, and who with, and how he managed to depart the Saudi […]
Needing Governments To Act, Scientists Rename Climate Change “Illegal Temperature Migration”
In an attempt that they themselves admit is as cynical as it is necessary, 91 of the world’s leading climatologists today agreed to alter the name of climate change to “Illegal Temperature […]
