World Demands Zara Make A ‘Yeah I Fucking Care, Why Don’t U?’ Jacket. Now.
In the wake of Melania Trump choosing to wear a jacket that said ‘I really don’t care, do u?’ on her way to meet with children who are currently living a nightmare […]
Canada Offers Former Trump Tower In Toronto As Potential New Home To The United Nations
Saying they could think of no better place to host the United Nations new headquarters – other than in Barack Obama’s office, just to stir the pot – Canada today announced that […]
Canadian Man Caught At US Border Smuggling Vibrams And The Sad Remains Of His Self Respect
A Canadian man has been fined 500 friends ever wanting to be seen in public with him, after being caught trying to smuggle a fresh new pair of have-you-no-taste, I-don’t-care-if-they’re-good-for-you, you-look-ridiculous, five-toed […]
As Outrage Over Separated Families Grows, Trump Instructs Pentagon To Build A Time Machine
Faced with hard questions over whether the United States is going to continue to align itself with the worst elements of the world’s most heinous tendencies, by separating children from their families, […]
New Canadian Tourism Campaign Invites Americans To Take A Walk On The Security Threat Side
Destination Canada has released a new commercial, aimed at American consumers who may be unsure just what to make of their northern neighbours in these fearfulsomenessest times. The ad opens quietly, with […]
Monarch Butterfly Admits He Finds Father’s Day A Little Hard
“I never knew my dad,” Harry says, looking out across a large field of milkweed, catching his breath after a three-generation flight. “Because, you know, I’m a monarch butterfly, and we have […]
White House Says ‘Be Best’ Is As Correct Grammatically As Separating Families Is Morally
In their relentless search for firsts, the United States has today admitted that the 2,000 children separated from their parents at the border by American officials over the last six weeks, fall […]
2026 World Cup To Be Hosted By Canada, Mexico, And Baroness Ivanka’s Shoe Emporium Of America
In an announcement that was more a scathing inditement of the West’s tolerance for tagines and cous-cous, than it was an endorsement of the North American fitness to host anything less aggressive […]
Scientists Look For Ways To Channel World’s Concern For A Raccoon Towards Human Migrants
After a Minnesota raccoon captivated the attention, and concern, of much of the internet yesterday, while making a treacherous journey in search of a new home, a team of scientists at Dalhousie […]
Canadian Privacy Hedge Grows Middle Fingers Along Entire US Border
In a remarkable turn of events, the hedge Canada planted on its side of the world’s longest undefended border nearly 17 months ago – shortly after learning the Trumps were moving into the White […]
