A Belonging
I remember when Somalian refugees began arriving in Toronto in the early 90’s, as a civil war rendered their home nation dangerous and uncertain, and no place for families to live – […]
Report: Less Than 4% Of All Aliens Arriving On Earth In 2019 Asked To Be Taken To A Leader
A new study published by the Canadian Institute For Taking Your Protein Pills And Putting Your Helmet On, has revealed a shocking statistic: fewer than one out of every twenty extraterrestrials who […]
Following Christ’s Example, Pence Observes Poor From Behind Barrier And Escorted By Armed Guards
Adding his name to the long list of great men and women who have followed in the selfless footsteps of Jesus, U.S. Vice President Mike Pence yesterday bore witness to Christ’s enduring […]
Inspired By Possibility Of Not Going To The White House, US Wins World Cup 2-0
“I think there comes a time in every athlete’s career that you have to look deep into your heart and ask yourself, ‘How much do I not want to see that asshole […]
People Who Often Disagree Stand Together Under Festive Gunpowder, Celebrate A Shared Home
As the fireworks detonated in humid night skies across an improbably large, disparate, and yet deeply ardent nation, Canadians gathered in the common spaces. Those same spaces created by much-debated tax dollars, […]
Raucous Crowds Greet Kamala Harris With Chants Of “Build A Basic Human Decency”
MIAMI – Their shouts echoed off the ceiling of the modest convention center hall. They stomped their feet in time to the chant. People waved blue hats that read “Make America Not Hate […]
Teacher Feigns Excitement At Yet Another Year-End Gift Basket Of Ammo And Field Dressings
“Oh Jessie, you shouldn’t have,” said Wilma Nurcher, a Grade 3 teacher at Duckenrun Elementary School, in Wichita, Kansas, accepting yet another cellophane-wrapped gift basket of field dressings, tourniquets, and bullet clips […]
Migrant Girl Named Ana Franco Begins Keeping A Diary In US Detention Centre
Reminiscent of nothing in particular, and certainly not the most poignant, resolute, triumphant, and tragic story written in the 20th century, a young girl in a detention centre in Clint, Texas has […]
Anti-Environmentalists Outraged To Learn New Forest Going In Where Gas Station Used To Be
DIVIDENDER – Despite local concerns that the new forest might attract birds, deer, and some level of appreciation for the planet as a living entity unto itself that was here long before […]
Breaking: Canada Not Sorry
CHURONNO – As they took to madly celebrating their first basketball championship, the remote northern nation of Canada (pronounced KAAN-AH-DAH) has immediately made one thing absolutely clear: This time, they are not […]
