***Satire*** “Upwards of 40 million people,” Peter Mansbridge says as he gently moisturizes his beautiful head in the large, all-pine bathroom of the log palace he calls home. “That’s how many people […]
“It’s a super food,” says Tom Brady as he pulls leaves of satire from a stalk of the ridiculous with a practiced motion, throwing them in the blender along with a sugar […]
“Hahahahahahahahaha,” said the head of security for the Greater Toronto Airports Authority when asked what threat is being detected by the newest item of security equipment travelers encounter before boarding. “Ahhhhhhhahahahahaha. It’s […]
Over dinner on Wednesday night, just as little Robby was pulling his sister over for turning left into the dining room during rush hour, his proud parents informed their guests that their […]
Thousands of generations too late to save the millions of assholes who have walked on this earth, and the billions of people forced to live with them, scientists have today announced they […]
“Clearly there’s a homelessness crisis in the city,” says Joel Osteen, a homeowner in Toronto’s Bloor West Village, speaking at a recent town-hall meeting convened to protect local property prices from the […]
A Canada’s Wonderland ride that has been building since the early 90’s, is now closed and its future uncertain after concerns were raised regarding the overall safety and integrity of the gravity-defying […]
Despite not having done even cursory levels of research, millions of families globally are, right this moment, recklessly bestowing the title of Best Dad Ever. A consortium of armchair experts agree this […]
“Thank God those men were armed,” said Sheriff Polk of Peach County, Georgia, as he summarized the events that led to the recapture of two wanted criminals who escaped Tuesday by turning […]
“Let’s party like it’s 2017,” the girl says, pulling a man with scented facial hair in by his borderline-ironic bow tie. “I want to stay up until the Trump tweets.” While many […]
