Business

‘Newfoundland Papers’ Leak Reveals Hidden Debts Of Millions

“Yeah, we’re offshore. Newfoundland’s an island eh. We just don’t hide assets is the thing, we hide debts.” Says Jim McJim, head of PR and IT for the St. John’s-based firm ‘Gone Fishing,’ speaking in an exclusive interview to The Out And Abouter following the inadvertent data leak yesterday that revealed the hidden debts of hundreds of millions worldwide, and has sent a tremor of fear through the greyhound class.

“Just like those rich people were hiding money the money they have through that firm in Panama, yeah, we had a lot of everyone else hiding the money they don’t have right here with us in good old St. John’s,” McJim explains, going on to admit there was no real profit in the venture, or any whatsoever, but that he had started doing it for a friend on the mainland, and soon everyone wanted to keep their debt at his place.

“We aren’t a shell corporation or anything. Sure the building could use a little more insulation and we still haven’t paved the drive or really even looked at doing that, but its a real shed that my dad used to keep his old nets in, and the postman knows where to find us.”

Regardless of the legitimacy of the enterprise, the fallout from millions of people having their debts revealed in a data dump estimated to be ten times greater than the Panama Papers, which was ten times greater than Wikileaks, which was yuge, is going to be even yuger.

Jim himself seems unsure as to the benefits of using his practice, admitting, “I don’t get it myself. Mostly people just asked me to write the number somewhere they couldn’t see it. I think that’s why they chose Newfoundland.”

Cape-Ray

Random sketch of Cape Ray, Newfoundland we thought was nice. Artist unknown.

While it’s too early to judge the fallout from the leak, it is already evident it will embarrass millions, many of them household (in their own house) names. And for this Jim is contrite.

“Yeah, look I can’t really say much about the leak itself as my friend who went to school with a lawyer said it’d be better not to. Other than its mostly, alright completely, my fault and I’m really sorry. I’m still not sure how I did it, something to do with ‘reply all’ maybe, and not clearing my junk box I think. I’m not sure. I knew we should have stuck with paper records. I just feel sorry for all those people.” He says, looking sadly out towards the still icy St. john’s harbour four streets below. “It’s not as though these folks aren’t already deep underwater. And now everyone is going to know about it.”15365521_s

Categories: Business, Featured

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