A team of astrophysicists at the University of Victoria have today confirmed what has long been theorized: there is a black hole of near-infinite density at the centre of Donald Trump.
“The question for us was never if we would discover this, but when. There was simply no other possible explanation for the bending of light and reason in the vicinity of Mr. Trump, and the strange behaviour of other bodies in close proximity to his relatively dark sector of the galaxy. It was just a matter of time before we had proof.”
The team got their chance to confirm the existence of the void as it made a rare transit of the giant star Barack Obama, some 325 light years beyond it as viewed from every possible perspective in the universe. Team lead Jost Fredrickson explains.
“The models predicted that as the void, which is of course a complete and total absence of light and thus impossible to actually ‘see,’ passed in front of Obama, the light from that star would bend around the theoretical mass, and at one point be obscured from view. And that is exactly what happened.”
What wasn’t expected was the size and density of the black hole. “We’ve never seen anything like it.” Fredrickson continued, “This is easily the densest object ever observed. By a factor of 10. And due to it’s proximity to earth, that is extremely worrying.”
While the calculations are ongoing, and further observations will be necessary to confirm the severity of threat the void poses, the team did caution that ignoring this won’t make it go away.
“That object has been here for quite some time, absorbing light and swallowing stars, and there are likely many more voids of its kind nearby that have yet to be identified. We’re still learning how these dark objects came to exist and why they don’t just collapse in on themselves. Until we know more these remain an unpredictable phenomenon. One best avoided at all costs.”