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Canadians Born This Century Projected To Live Most Of Their Lives With Grey Hair

old manIn news that is likely to eventually be true, a recent study revealed a strange new norm: Canadians are living long enough to spend the majority of their lives as old people.

“The good news,” an affable sociologist, his own temples frosted by grey hair, will state, “is we’re all living a lot longer. The bad news is the time being gained lies entirely at the latter end of our lives. It’s similar to saying the longevity of automobile engines has increased, but we can’t really stop the bodies from rusting. You’ll still be able to drive, you’ll just have to deal with leaky hoses, squeaky springs, and wrinkly seats that lose their padding.”

The societal changes likely to be escorted in by this shift in demographics are expected to be pervasive.

“By 2040, with the majority of housing being dedicated to senior citizens, we expect that the names of their residences will carry no special qualifier of who lives in them, and the acceptance will instead shift to calling all other habitation ‘young folks’ homes.”

The distinguished sociologist will then go on to explain that, similarly, the discount for the elderly members of society will become the subject of humorous recollection (as of course that term will apply to pretty much everyone), and instead the more junior members of society will be levied surcharges, and made to pay for things that everyone else receives free.

“In general we expect that the term ‘senior citizen’ will become, ironically enough, an anachronism.”

 

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