Following their alteration of the Canadian National Anthem to include the world’s most willfully obtuse, categorically untrue, self-defeating statement, the four rich white guys known as The Tenors, have announced their intention to change their name to something more in keeping with the times: White Privilege.
“It’s a move we’d been contemplating for quite awhile.” Said Fraser Walters, one of the interchangeably bland singers who count Michael Bolton and Michael Bolton as their influences. “We felt like we had drifted from our impetus as a badass group of leather-jacketed fa-la-laers with wavy hair, and wanted to bring it back to our roots as a bunch of guys who share over-developed diaphragms and being really, really white. That and a love of chin-chiselling and shaving against the grain.”
Having modified the Canadian Anthem to include the words ‘All Lives Matter,’ while holding a placard bearing the slogan ‘We Interrupt Your Important Social Movement To Say: White Privilege,’ the group confirmed that from thence forward they had decided to move away from being harmlessly lame and instead focus more on creating unhelpful distractions from an extremely pertinent and sensitive issue that couldn’t need their input less if it was being sung in falsetto.
They also announced they will be releasing a Christmas album this year, which will feature such slightly modified hits as: Be Silent White, Hark The Herald Clueless Sing, and Away In A Gated Community.
Note: Three of ‘The Tenors’ have since professed to not having been aware of Remigio Pereira’s intention to alter the anthem’s lyrics and produce a sign saying ‘All Lives Matter.’ They have since suspended Pereira. That’s grand. We will be updating this satirical post to reflect this difference of opinion within the group as soon as they make it clear such a difference exists by performing while wearing ‘Black Lives Matter’ T-shirts. 1307 EDT, 17/07/16