“I give negative two shits about Pokemon, even though I have no idea what a Pokemon is.” Declares Jim Bulgari, a regular at the Pig’s Eye in Hamilton, Ontario, who goes on to list what he has surmised about the subject so far.
“It is some sort of game or thing you do on your phone. It involves cartoons, the quality of which is, in my opinion, annoyingly poor. I remember people talking about it when I was a teenager, and giving zero shits about it then. In the ensuing years my shits have experienced negative growth in this regard. It sounds Japanese but I could be wrong, and as I own a Toyota that has nothing to do with why I don’t like it. I don’t like it because many people whose taste I question on a semi-regular basis seem to, and I find that doing the opposite of this contingent in my life usually works quite well for me.”
We finished the brief interview by carefully recording the length of time Mr. Bulgari hesitated to respond when asked if he would ever consider googling the term Pokemon, or asking a friend. It was officially zero. And the answer was no. Not ever. No matter what.