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Americans Grimly Prepare For ‘Cuddly Klansmen’ Dolls Being A Hot Item This Holiday Season.

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***The following is satire. Fiction. Not True.***

Market watchers expect to see unprecedented numbers of the ‘KKK Klansman, Jubilee Edition’ dolls selling this coming Christmas, harnessing the purchasing power of racist America, and the much larger, though equally damaging, contingent of people who fall into the ‘As-Long-As-My-Life-Improves-I-Don’t-Mind-Racism’ demographic.

To make this prediction, industry experts eschewed the use of projection models, and research techniques, and simply selected the most offensive item currently available for resale. They then assumed that would become the most popular across wide swaths of the United States. “We’re grimly confident that this offensive toy will defy logic, and any semblance of progress as a civilization, and be a disheartening success.” Said Janine McGregor, a free-lance analyst of disturbing trends.

Many retailers have been quick to pick up on the opportunity.

“Yes, I get that what it actually stands for is the undiluted worst in humanity,” says toy retailer George Brown, outside his shop in Pensacola, Florida, “But it’s made right here in America, not China or wherever, so it’s got to be good for jobs. And just look at that button nose, and the satin hood. It’s a cuddly bundle of hatred. Certain to fit right in this holiday season.”

Reached for comment, the majority of Americans simply shook their heads, and wondered what the hell was going on.

***The above is satire. Fiction. Not True.***

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