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Concerned, But Not Wanting To Offend, Canada Quietly Plants Privacy Hedge Along Entire U.S. Border.

 


“And we’re happy to pay for it,” say a united front of Canadian premiers, national leaders, mayors, citizens, and casual acquaintances, of the newly planted hedge that has sprung up seemingly overnight, running unbroken for 6,416 kilometers, along the world’s longest undefended border.

“Sometimes the best way for neighbours to get along, is a little bit of privacy. Even in the winter. Even when you have to break frozen ground to get it. Even when your neighbour has spy satellites and a penchant for caching electronic communications. Even then, a hedge can’t hurt.”

A continuous growth of Cherry Laurel, the overnight hedge stands an average of two meters high, and is expected to grow to be at least double that by the end of Donald Trump’s first term, when a review of the green screen is planned. At that time the hedge will either be topped with barbed wire, or made into a tourist attraction by being trimmed to form a living storyboard of the Disney franchise.

“What we do with the hedge will depend entirely on what’s happening to the south,” says one hedge-funder, Jim Freedman, a pretty nice guy who just wants to be left alone, while giving this reporter a tour of the newly defined perimeter. “If our neighbours opt to renew the presidency of a man who encourages nuclear proliferation, doubts climate change, mocks civil rights leaders – and anyone else who disagrees with him – all via the most reductive social media platform available well,” here Jim pauses and looks skyward, above the flourishing living fence he helped to put in place, “I’m told this thing can reach forty feet within a decade or two.”

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242 replies »

  1. Hello, Canadian friends. I’ve always enjoyed my quick trips to the Pinery and Point Pelee and Windsor, and have found your colourful money magical (it disappears theatrically) and your friendly people intriguing (except for that time at the Blue Water Bridge.)

    Slightly off-topic, but since you share a border with New York, I thought I’d just throw this out there: Should New York change its state motto to “DON’T BLAME THE WHOLE STATE FOR DONALD TRUMP!” ?

    –A concerned Metro Detroiter (again)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. We (America) should build a tunnel from Mexico to Canada and see how they like it. Don’t dog people for not liking something when you haven’t tried it or know what it is like. I’ve lived in Southern Texas all my life and Mexico is a PITA for us down here.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love that idea. As long as you’re paying. I love the Mexican people, we already have a number of Mexican families who live in our area, many Canadians are already vacationing in Mexico instead of the US, and i’m sure most Canadians would welcome our new neighbours just like we’ve welcomed Syrian refugees. We expect that some Trump-like trolls will whine; like those who plague every country who don’t like anyone who doesn’t look or talk like they do. Thanks for the idea. Lol

      Liked by 2 people

      • JCon is hardly a troll! I also live in south Texas and I know what he/she is talking about. You folks up north have not had to deal with the overwhelming influx of illegal immigration, but it is starting to look like you will.

        Like

      • I guess that’s the difference. We see human beings who need help and need to escape for a better life with their family’s and you see an intolerable inconvenience.

        Liked by 3 people

      • It’s not all rosy. You don’t have to live with the repercussions. Yes, it’s in our nature to help others, but Canda just doesn’t see the scope that the United States does. For example, Canada has an estimated 100,000 illegal immigrants. With a population of 36.29 million, you’re looking at what… 0.28% of the population or a ratio of 280 per 100,000 residents. Compare that with the US with an estimated 12.5 million out of a population of 323.1 million. That’s 3.87% of the population or 3,870 per 100,000 residents. That’s almost 14 times more!

        Here’s what it’s been like in Arizona. If you had this in your backyard, you would feel differently. What would Canada look like with an additional 12.5 million people in it overnight? That’s roughly a THIRD of your population. 1 in every 3 Canadians would not have your culture, your language and would immediately utilize your infrastructure. What would the wait for the doctors look like? What would your traffic look like? How many additional teachers would you have to hire for the increased number of students? How many additional social workers would you need to hire? How much housing would you have to make? What about homeless camps for when there aren’t enough beds? What about the increased rent as landlords as vacancies are at all-time lows? What if you wanted to move from Edmonton to BC, but couldn’t because you couldn’t find a house for sale? What about the homes and other properties you’d have to demolish in the cities in order to widen roads for the increased traffic?

        It’s not a simple thing. If you want to see how it works in your own life, take the locks off the doors to your home and advertise on Craigslist and Kijiji that you don’t have locks, but don’t want people to just come in without asking. Some are desperate and in need. Others have more nefarious intentions. But I think you would agree that it would work better if you could choose who got to stay.

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        • The cup is never half empty or half full; the cup is refillable. It’s all how you look at it. But i do feel sorry for you. I’d hate to live with myself if i looked at the world the way you do. Nothing personal, but i wouldn’t;’t bother.

          Like

    • Maybe you need to do a search on illegal border crossings into Canada. This problem keeps growing since Trump took office…..Here is a link to one article….not a recent one though……We don’t need the tunnel you suggest….they walk right in from the US ….illegally.

      Like

  3. If the Canadians planted edible berry vines – like blackberry, raspberry, gooseberry etc well, that would be more secure as a hedge AND at some times of the year could provide food for any refuges fleeing from the south

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Canadians should be careful about planting a hedge. The Americans already had a ‘shrub’ as in George dubbyu and we don’t want to add to past screw-ups.

    Like

  5. Our friends the Bostonians
    Tell me your fears
    This Trump fella’s here for four more years
    But with luck and defections
    The mid-term elections
    Will be greeted with cheers and beers

    Like

  6. No can’t blame him for everything, he gets full ownership for the state of our fragile world. Right now I consider him more unstable than the leader of north korea. Should we consider you the s….y country south of us? You consider our money funny and cheap, but we have class, something your money can’t buy!

    Like

    • I’m Canadian, and spend a lot of time south of the border. Your answer is one of the most foolish, hateful, and uninformed answers I have ever seen. I would call you stupid, but I think you just uninformed and unwilling to learn any better.
      You blame Trump for everything, yet he’s only been in power for one year. Read that again, and I understand just how blatantly stupid you sound.

      Like

  7. Trump is such an egomaniac that this hedge will have no impact on him or his policies. He’s oblivious to anything anyone else or any other country does. He’s too focused on what he’s doing for himself or his cronies. My point is, I don’t see the purpose that this hedge serves. It’s just like the walls to the south that don’t work! I lived here in South California , and they crawl across or dig under walls anyway! Every square and cannot be watched at all times! Is this just a Canadian humorous statement? Rather expensive one.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Is the wall really all about profit and greed? There have been many walls built over the Centuries, even back 1000s of years, to keep people either in or out; none have worked. From Hadrian’s Wall built by the Romans, to the Berlin Wall many of us still remember going up, then down. So if something doesn’t make sense, there’s info I don’t know. Donny and his minions don’t care what it costs or how effective it is, so is this wall just putting money in friends’ and supporters’ pockets? Maybe Trump’s wall has nothing to do with immigration, but is really about profits. Follow the money.

    Like

  9. First you must find… another shrubbery! Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place it here, beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle. (“A path! A path!”) Then, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest… with… a herring!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. That’s what they said during your Vietnam War, yet between 30,000 and 60,000 did just that, depending what figures one uses. Illegally at first, they soon became legal as political refugees. Wait for it.

    Like

  11. I wish people would at least understand the facts. Illegal immigration from Mexico isn’t a thing anymore. This is not the 1990s. Net migration from Mexico has been negative (that happened during the Obama years).

    Once you know the facts, there’s literally no way to look at the border wall as anything but a colossally stupid idea. And then when you try to understand why people are still pushing for it, the conclusions aren’t pretty…

    Like

  12. Then what will happen to us refugees???If the US is insane enough to re-elect this guy a second time, even poison ivy won’t keep me in!!

    Like

  13. I hope this is not true! Canada, please remember that the man in the WH is ill, and was elected only with the help of a foreign power!! Please remember that most US citizens consider Canada as we do our own family members, as we do our best friends & neighbors, which is what you are!! Please think of Trump as a terrible embarrassment and con man to the majority of US citizens! Hopefully, honor, integrity and dignity will be restored to the WH with the next election!!

    Like

    • You’re actually stupid enough to believe that? This is satire. It’s a joke. It’s not real.

      As for the rest of your silly remarks, take this from a Canadian conservative… We just voted out one of your ilk from Ontario’s leadership and put a conservative in place. Next want to go will be Trudeau, and then we can start making this country great again as well.

      Like

      • Chill Wally. If Barbara wants to enjoy relating to our country as it currently is, let her enjoy relating to the country as it currently is. You are welcome to come back after the next federal election and update that information, should your party prove successful. There’s still a long way to go.

        Like

        • Paul, she takes it upon herself to speak for around 70 million Americans who completely disagree with her. Let’s not forget that. She is a hysterical liberal, and deserves more than anything else to be ignored… After being properly called out.

          Like

      • You certainly are both abusive and disrespectful, Wally Moran. You are obviously also out of touch with other more thoughtful Canadians. As for Ontario, you again have the wrong end of the stick. Conservatives didn’t win Ontario, the Wynne and Liberals lost. Politically, there is difference. Nobody could have voted for Ford’s platform, because he had neither a platform or policies that he told anyone about. You keep saying other people are saying stupid things, i suggest looking in your mirror and listening to your own words. It might be a learning experience. Now you can go ahead and take some shots at me. LLOL

        Like

        • If there’s one thing you liberals are consistent on it’s denying a conservative a victory. Whether people voted against Wynn, or voted for Ford, Doug Ford and the conservatives won. Semantics are irrelevant, and are typically the figleaf losers hide behind. Sorry, but your nuts are still showing.

          After the last 15 years of liberal mismanagement, there was no way the Liberals could have won again. Mind you, in any province that once voted in Bob Rae, anything stupid is possible
          As for being out of touch, it would appear I’m not out of touch with the 41% of Ontarians who voted conservative, am I? And in our system, where elections are won with as little as 36 and 37%, that’s a good place to be.
          The lady who made the post I responded to is stupid enough to think that this article about a hedge was serious. Then she lectures us that the US has made a horrible mistake, and please forgive us for that… If that’s not stupid beyond words, I don’t know what it is.
          Actually, I do know what it is… It is typical liberal thinking.

          Like

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