(No, you wouldn’t think that would be necessary. And yet)
The order came down at 0630 this morning. Kellyanne Conway, fresh from not ever sleeping due to understandably vociferous inner demons, received the hand-delivered post-it note from a member of the newly arranged Post-It Express, a system of internal communications designed by the president himself for when he needs to elaborate on his tweets to those closest to him.
Kellyanne read the post-it twice, was silent a moment, then turned to Kushner and asked if he thought it was a spelling mistake. Kushner put down his sudoku, and glanced at the note.
“No. That’s not a mistake. He’s asked me to get those for him before. I tried to tell him there’s really no such thing, but he insists he used them a lot in the 80’s.” Kellyanne rubbed her eyes against the wall, and asked an intern to write up a requisition.
Donald Trump began his first working week today with an official requisition for 600 facts machines, to be installed in every office of his newly appointed administration, and in all modes of transport that he favours, including his shoes.
Anonymous reports from within the Oval Office indicate there was some pushback from senior aides, with even Steve Bannon saying that while Brietbart News aspires to be just such a thing, their efforts continue to be stymied. “Mostly due to portions of the American populace displaying a stubborn attachment to their education and common sense.”
Donald again insisted he’d used these devices before, and claimed to have just such a machine somewhere in his desk in Trump Tower.
“That’s a fax machine Don.” Priebus quietly informed him.
“Right. That’s what I said. I want 600 of them. And that’s just to start.”