Life

Search Continues For Construction Crew Last Seen Working Near House With Sleeping Baby

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***Satire***
It’s been nearly 24 hours since 5 men, all residents of the Greater Toronto Area, were last seen. Their equipment lies abandoned. A Tim Horton’s cup still sits in the backhoe cup-holder. A port-a-loo door swings quietly in the breeze. It’s been checked dozen of times. No one is in there. The search continues.

“Teams are fanning out across the city,” the search co-ordinator, Sergeant Topiary, explained in a hastily summoned news conference on the street, in front of the new row of town homes the men were laying the foundation for before going missing Friday morning. “At this stage we have detection dogs, helicopters, and over a thousand officers and worried citizens on foot combing the nearby ravines, sewage tunnels, and back alleys. We are also going door-to-door, leaving no stone unturned.”

He hesitated when asked to confirm the rumour they have not yet approached the house immediately adjacent to the building site, just over his left shoulder. Clearly wrestling with a near-overpowering visceral fear, he took a moment to compose himself, and refused to turn in the direction of the residence indicated by the reporter asking the question.

“This is true. At the stage we are waiting for the baby to wake up to approach that particular home, out of respect for the sign that you can clearly see from here.” He gestures to a large note pinned to the door that says: BABY SLEEPING PLEASE LOSE YOUR HANDS AND WALK AWAY BAREFOOT.

“Yes, I realize there are five men missing,” Topiary continued, replying to the persistent line of questioning, “But I also realize that two door-to-door salesmen, a  dog-walker, and a postman were all last seen near this residence over the past month, and are all unaccounted for. You will also note there are no birds in the adjacent trees. The barrel of a sniper rifle can be seen behind the left curtain in the uppermost window. Please do not look in that direction right now. So no, I don’t intend to risk my men unnecessarily here, and I would strongly suggest the press also remain well away from the door. I assure you we will find these men. Or at least discover they should have been a lot quieter.”

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Photo: bogdanhoda / 123RF Stock Photo

 

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