Sensing the needle on Donald Trump’s mental stability has shifted from ‘unsettled’ to ‘unhinged,’ a number of House Democrats hastily convened late Sunday night to put together a group letter begging Meryl Streep to fly to Washington DC tomorrow and stand in the Oval Office looking creepy as hell while warning Trump to beware the ides of March. Their fervent hope is that she be in place by the time the President returns from Mar-A-Lago, sometime around croissan’wich o’clock. They’re confident she will accept.

Included in the letter, passed hand-to-hand across America in less than 13 seconds by the underground network of 250 million people who didn’t vote for President Trump, is an approximation of the dialogue the Democrats envision taking place. It is adapted from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar Act I, Scene II (original in Italics).

Soothsayer: Caesar!
Meryl Streep: Trump!

Caesar: Ha! who calls?
Donald Trump: Where am I?

Casca: Bid every noise be still: peace yet again! 
James Comey: Everyone shut the fuck up.

Caesar: Who is it in the press that calls on me? 
I hear a tongue, shriller than all the music, 
Cry ‘Caesar!’ Speak; Caesar is turn’d to hear.
Trump: Is that a fake news reporter?
I thought I made it clear no women allowed in here.
Well you want the Donald, talk to the Donald.

Soothsayer: Beware the ides of March.
Meryl Streep: Beware the ides of March (that’s the 15th).

Caesar: What man is that?
Trump: Is that Meryl Streep?

Brutus: A soothsayer bids you beware the ides of March.
Paul Ryan: She’s a good actress. She says watch your back on March 15.

Caesar: Set him before me; let me see his face.
Trump: Get her over here. I’m going to pat her down.

Cassius: Fellow, come from the throng; look upon Caesar.
Reince Preibus: Hey lady, look at the Donald when you’re speaking to him.

Caesar: What say’st thou to me now? speak once again.
Trump: I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you, Putin was whispering in my earpiece.

Soothsayer: Beware the ides of March.
Meryl Streep: Beware the ides of March (that’s the 15th).

Caesar: He is a dreamer; let us leave him: pass.
Trump: Over-rated actress; talk to the hand. Sad.

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