Science

Remote Scan Shows Structural Integrity Of White House Now Rests On Single Playing Card

white-house-blue-print_165717-2An independently commissioned survey of the White House has revealed it is close to collapse. The actual building. Conclusions regarding the administration it houses were not included in the scope of the investigation; its status as a near-perpetual-failure-in-motion-machine was deemed too obvious to require additional assessment.

“Two of diamonds? Maybe. Could be the three of hearts as well. Its hard to tell,” says Colin Linklater, a structural engineer who has overseen the collapse of numerous of Houses of Cards, discussing the diagnostic readouts the remote scans obtained from sensors positioned on Pennsylvania avenue. ” But I will tell you it is a standard issue Bicycle playing card, not generally used to holding over 15,000 tons of American history above it. Really it’s impressive it’s prevailed this far. At this stage, I feel comfortable categorizing the timeline and likelihood of a collapse here as imminent and inevitable. Let me put it this way: If my wife was supposed to be living here I would probably keep her in New York too.”



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2 replies »

  1. Whoever you are, you are awesome. Your posts are keeping this old Detroit socialist sane. I’ve tried to get Canadian residency, but all of the relatives of my Canadian grandfather have passed away.

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    • Thanks! A lot. Old Detroit socialists happen to be some of my favourite people. I have zero pull with the government, but feel free to put me down as a reference.

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