“What do you mean bumped?” said the president of the United States, stopped at the foot of the boarding ladder to Air Force One by a smiling woman with a strong stare, unyielding stance, and lint-free uniform. “It’s my plane. I’m the president. The most vilified in the history of presidents. You may have heard of me. I used to be on TV and now I’m being treated very unfairly by the media. Very unfairly. Even my enemies are my enemies. Do I have your loyalty? You seem like a nice lady.”
The airline representative informed the president that she was well-aware of who he is, but that unfortunately he had been bumped to make room for the catering team of twelve he’d requested; complete with Dairy Queen Blizzard machine, and mock-up of a Burger King that includes genuine underpaid employees, for authenticity.
“What? That doesn’t make any sense. Who are they going to cook for if I’m not there?” Trump responded to the admittedly preposterous though delightful-to-picture scene.
“Everyone else who is onboard, such as…” here the representative checked her manifest, exchanged an unrelated anecdote with a baggage handler, took a call from her mother, glanced at Facebook, and then finally returned her attention to the president, “Mr. Mike Pence and Mr. Steve Bannon, in seats 1A and 1B.”
Not for the first time this week, Trump imploded. When he’d regained his composure – after being warned that if he continued shaping his hair into a weapon security would have to be called – he asked why Pence and Bannon got to fly and he didn’t.
“It appears they used the online check-in feature. Might I suggest you download our app? It’s called ‘Air Force Fun,’ you’ll find it in the app store. It allows you to pre-select your seat. So next time, if there is one, you might be able to go on your first, and possibly last, foreign trip as president.”
The above is satire, and is intended purely for entertainment purposes only. Consumption of satire may lead to increased appetite, lighter moods, and spitting out of beverages.
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