Despite not having done even cursory levels of research, millions of families globally are, right this moment, recklessly bestowing the title of Best Dad Ever. A consortium of armchair experts agree this is statistically impossible, and in a large number of cases: a bit much.
“By it’s very definition there can only be one,” says Jim Anderson, an expert in fathers, himself a fourteen-time winner of the Best Dad Ever award, and counting. “Just one father who is the best dad in the history of fatherhood, stretching back through the eons, wars, droughts, Iliads, odysseys, exoduses, internments, depressions, etc. Am I happy to be called the Best Dad Ever? Yes. Does that stand up to scrutiny, when compared to fathers who sent their children on towards the Allied lines and turned to face the Nazis themselves? No. My pancakes are simply not that good.”
While all the dads interviewed said they were happy to accept their technically impossible titles from their adoring and well-meaning families, most also admitted they feel like they need to work on basic statistical analysis in the coming year.