A recent worldwide poll conducted by a worldwide polling company, has revealed 100% of white males who have never watched a boxing match – if you don’t count the Rocky movie franchise – are ineffably certain Conor McGregor will defeat Floyd “Probably The Best Boxer Of His Generation” Mayweather in Las Vegas on Saturday.
A further 95% of respondents felt he would do so in under three rounds, though 96% had to ask what they were rounds of.
“McGregor is going to wipe the court with him,” says Jerry Sprung, standing outside the Toronto’s Eaton Centre as he waits for a hot dog, shouting loudly at a patient street vendor whose hands and cauliflowered ears say he might now a thing or two about the sport. The hot dog man points out that the fight is in a ring, on a mat, and that courts are for tennis and basketball.
“What do you know?” Jerry continues, speaking over the other man’s listing of his accomplishments as an amateur fighter in the Dominican Republic, which apparently included an Olympic bronze medal.
“I heard that Mayweather is a total jerk, who goes around shooting his mouth off, feuding with people, and is just in it for the money. Unlike McGregor, who as we all know is white.”
The fight is expected to bring in a record number of non-boxing fans, drawn by the dramatic spectacle, and irresistible storyline, of a man from a nation which has suffered mass discrimination being embraced over a representative of a race which continues to. In a predictable development, Disney has indicated it will bid on the movie rights, assuming McGregor wins.