Tapping into one of the darkest fears of our modern age, Margaret Atwood today announced that she will be tackling an extremely sordid subject matter in her next novel; one that is close to her heart, and property.
“Housing. For normal people.” She says. and glances over her shoulder, wary lest any depraved condo-buyers may be walking past her bucolic property, in Toronto’s leafy Annex neighbourhood.
Predicting that readers would have a hard time going to the bathroom alone while reading this fearsome tale, Atwood says the plot centres around a condo development that intends to erect a new building that: “Complies with existing bylaws,” she whispers sinisterly, holding her hands high above her head in the dappled light of the otherwise quiet street.
“Before you know it, people who haven’t created award-winning fiction or are the head of a national grocery store chain are moving into the neighbourhood, ruining it as completely as midnight destroys a good all-day brunch.”
“As you can imagine,” she continues. “Things quickly dissolve into the horridly mundane from that point onwards.”
Saying she didn’t want to give away the ending, Atwood did allude to a single character in her book rising above the fray to keep the invading hordes of cripplingly ordinary people – the sort willing to actually live vertically above one another – at bay.
“I haven’t named this character yet, but am leaning towards Rargeret Batwood. She will only emerge at night, and will employ all of the traditional superhero powers, such as pigeon-holing her local city counsellor at every cocktail party he goes to until he gives in, and using her name as a best-selling author – which is a complete coincidence by the way – to effect the outcome of normal urban densification.