The popular website PopularBabyNamesForSuddenHistoryBuffs.com has today revealed that the month of August saw a meteoric rise in the number of Canadian children being named ‘Sir John A. MacDonald.’
“There’s always been steady interest in the name,” says site manager John Smith. “Most months we see about 350 boys and girls get the rather cumbersome moniker, Canada-wide. I would say previously it was prevalent but not common. Who doesn’t know at least one or two?”
But that steady trickle of six-syllabled little tykes running around Canada’s parks trying to unite the swing set with the red slide via a single-track railway, while interning the kids who were there first in the sandbox while telling them this is all for their benefit, experienced a precipitous climb in the month of August.
“We recorded 3250 new instances of the name, which is about one in ten of all the children born in Canada last month,” says Smith, looking bemused.
Experts say much of this is due to Conrad Black standing outside maternity wards offering cash to parents who honour the great Sir John A. MacDonald, and in so doing keep us from the ‘in Stalinist terms, the repression of Sir John A. MacDonald,’ as Mr. Black stated in his recent National Post op-ed that is – unlike the rest of this article – surprisingly not satirical.
“It’s a big name,” agrees new father Jimmy Finnington, “But we think she’ll grow into it. And we’ll probably just call her J-Mac for short. For us, the important thing is that she’s proud of Canada’s past, and never forgets the things John A. MacDonald did, both good and bad. Imagine if no highways or schools or children were named after the man. We’d have to rely on things like books, or those strange teacher-people, to tell us what happened in the times before we were born. And to that I say, ‘No thank-you.'”