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Study Says Racist People Now Spending Up To 20 Hours A Week Explaining They Aren’t Racist

giant-chalkboard-in-classroom.jpgA recently released study from the University Of Hamilton has revealed that Canadian racists may be spending as many as one-fifth of their waking hours explaining the complex formulae by which they are able to say racist things, but not be racist.

“Let me lay it out for you as simply as I can,” says Tiffany Reed, a participant in the study and frequent commenter on CBC News articles that are in any way relatable to immigration, fear, fear of immigration, or butter tarts. “Just because I say ‘Islam is a religion of inexorable violence,’ doesn’t make me a racist. Because Islam isn’t a race. So I am actually being religionist. Yes that’s a word. Now get off my lawn.”

Janine McFreely, lead researcher of the study, says Tiffany’s response is a typical – if somewhat abbreviated version – of what they heard from many of the nearly 10,000 Kellie Leitch supporters they interviewed over the course of six months.

“We also spent a great deal of time listening as respondents outlined their extended ancestry, and showed us their Facebook friends list, as a way of demonstrating that they can’t be racist because they are 1/256th Tunisian, and have a token black friend from high school.”

Citing a startling rise in the number of people who ascribe to beliefs that would traditionally be held as racist, but who refuse to answer to that handle, McFreely says one of the main hurdles the study encountered was just what to call this new category of people. 

“In the end we settled on racism-deniers. Much like their climate change denying counterparts, the obsfucation and wordplay being employed by the growing cohort of people who think and speak racism, but will not own the title or its consequences, are at best a distraction from a serious issue. And at worst they are abetting the continued perpetuation, and indeed intensification, of the problem at hand.”

Reached for comment Ms. Reed denies being a racism-denier. 

“It’s like I said. I want Canada to remain for Canadians, ones who support Canadian values. All except that one about inclusion, that one’s for the birds and was slipped in there by the brown people so they could set up a new Middle East over here in North America. And if saying that makes me a racist than I’m not a racist. Now get off my lawn.”

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