Life

Man Who Said He Doesn’t Want To Get All Political Proceeds To Get Surprisingly Political

PoliticallychargesInvited to fill in for a friend in the weekly Spanish Banks Beach Volleyball league, no one on the team suspected that beneath the amiable exterior of newcomer Doug Larouge lay a dormant political activist, waiting to pounce.

“Everyone was just hanging out after the game, having a couple of drinks over at Milestones,” says designated setter Timmy Wright of The Notorious D.I.G.s, two-season champions in the after-work fun league. “We were talking about work, throwing the odd Trump joke around, starting to think about taking a team trip to Nambia. When suddenly the new guy, out of nowhere, informs us that he doesn’t want to get all political.”

Explaining that it was the first thing the man had said all night other than repeatedly shouting he had it, he had it, he had it during plays in which he then failed to have it, Timmy says the odd statement caused everyone to fall silent. And then Doug laid in. 

“Confusingly, he got really political. I was surprised. It was a bit like someone saying “I’m not going to bellyflop right here onto this table full of drinks,” and then proceeding to bellyflop right onto the table full of drinks. Repeatedly.”

Timmy clarifies it isn’t that he doesn’t like politics, it was just that this wasn’t the subject of conversation, and that all of the points Doug chose to bring up fell under the common categorization of “Controversial Enough To Need To Know Who You Are Speaking To Before You Flop It All Out On The Table.” 

“I get it. We live in politically charged times, and Doug didn’t appreciate our pointing out that Trump can’t pronounce the names of countries, which is to being a president as knowing the streets on your route is to being a bus driver. But we weren’t really looking to have Breitbart read aloud to us on an otherwise pleasant evening. I’ll put it this way. If I ever hear ol’ Doug say ‘I don’t want to make a terrible smell,’ you’ll find me stepping lively in the opposite direction.” 

 

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