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Heeding Calls For Action Trump Extends Travel Ban To Cover Mesquite, Nevada

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In the first substantive effort to prevent another mass shooting from occurring in the United States, Donald Trump acted swiftly today, calling for a ban on all travel within the U.S. for residents of Mesquite, Nevada.

“I can tell you there was at least one bad hombre from there,” Trump said, as he lobbed boxes of Kleenex at the grieving citizens of Las Vegas, in a mid-morning press conference held in a city still reeling from the worst mass shooting in United States’ history.

“Making America safe is my number two priority,” the president said, “after ratings. Which are the highest ever let me tell you. Quick story, you’ll love this. Kid comes up to me the other day and says you know what I want to be when I grow up Mr. President? I say no kid, me? Kid says no sir. The guy who builds your wall. Isn’t that great? Isn’t it? Ok so back to this little problem we have here. No more people from Mesquite. It’s simple. Problem solved. You’re welcome.”

When it was pointed out that there is more than one town in America called Mesquite, and in fact the shooter had lived in two of them, the president unilaterally extended his travel ban to all towns named Mesquite, saying it was only fair, and that he had to do something.

“What I think is going to work, and I think you’ll find I’m right about this, is legalizing silencers, which are actually called suppressors did you know that? And, hear me out, and banning Mesquiters – isn’t that what people in Alabama call more than one mosquito?- banning those people from moving about the country freely. Clearly there’s a fundamental problem with how people from there see the world. So we aren’t going to let them in. Any further then they already are.”

Reaction to the ban, which is effective immediately, was predictably partisan, with Fox News calling the ban the most sensible approach to the gun debate heard in years, and CNN anchors shaking their heads in grim silence through three commercial breaks. 

 

4 replies »

  1. It saddens me that you felt this was an appropriate topic for your article. It shows amazingly bad taste on your part and I believe you have shamed your fellow Canadians by implying that they find humor of any kind in this tragedy.

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    • I’m sorry it struck you that way Kevin. This isn’t meant to be a joke at the expense of a tragedy. The intention was to point out the absurdity of restricting movements of people based on the actions of a tiny, extreme minority, as well as the lack of any meaningful action from those whose job it is to prevent events like this from happening.

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      • The intention was obvious, but the decision to utilize even a fringe element of a tragedy of this magnitude shows not only poor taste, but is a further indication of the growing callousness in our cultures. It is not the culture of Canada that I know.
        Lastly, Donny does plenty of real things to focus on without manufacturing them. You have produced fantastic articles in the past and I’ve enjoyed sharing them with family and friends. This one just hit a sore spot.

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        • Thanks for the thoughtful critique Kevin. Genuinely would not like to think of myself as a part, or contributor to, society’s increasing callousness. I’ll review this with fresh eyes.

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