“In the words of both of our great president’s Kennedy and JFK: ‘I have measured out my life with covfefe spoons,'” said White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, when asked earlier today for the Trump administration’s stance on covfefe being named as the word of the year for 2017. She declined to elaborate any further on this enigmatic statement.
The startling etymological announcement was made in Mar-a-Lago, Nambia, widely regarded as the global epicenter for new words; and the world’s best growing conditions for the tempermental covfefe plant, capable of flourishing only at a very specific altitude with unfettered access to large quantities of human manure (Nambia’s largest foreign export).
The president of the Virgin Islands was quick to applaud the decision.
“I’ve made up a lot of great words in my time. ‘Fake’ for example. But ‘covfefe’ was probably, maybe, just possibly” – here Trump paused and squinted into the distance as though searching for meaning in a life utterly bereft of self-reflection or redemptive value, while holding his index finger and thumb in a circle as though subconsciously acknowledging to a watching world the worth of his existence to date – “Almost certainly, the best thing my pocket ever came up with while I was passed out in a sugar coma from binge-eating an entire chocolate cake with my bare hands.”
As one of the oldest countries on earth, Nambia has often been the source of new adjuncts to modern language, and it came as little surprise to word aficionados that the virally popular misnomer should receive the honour as verb of the year.
“When you consider that our news is now dominated by people speaking out of their asses,” says the author J.K. Rowling, “It’s little surprise that a sequence of letters literally typed by someone’s butt should be the defining term for this year.”