As the news broke today that a Tim Hortons franchise intends to recoup profits lost to the recently raised minimum wage by forcing their employees to rent headsets from them for $13.75/hr, there was a surprising figure who seemed to be bearing the worst of the fallout from this corporate misstep: Justin Trudeau.
“Just look at him,” said Andrew Scheer, pausing midway through a solid everyman slug of Country Time coffee (ostensibly his ‘new fav’) gesturing at a photo of Trudeau rolling up the rim to beat the pants off Stephen Harper. “There he is, looking great I’ll give him that, but drinking a double-double like it wasn’t percolated directly through the grinding maw of an unfeeling corporate empire that stands with its boot firmly on the neck of the working class. Clearly this man hates Canadians almost as much as he does dandruff and wide-leg pants.”
Many Conservatives were quick to draw a comparison to the evolving situation with Joshua Boyle, in which the Prime Minister proved unable to foretell the future and took the reckless step of having his picture taken with a family recently freed after five years in captivity.
“He just doesn’t think,” said Senator Linda Frum. “Hair, selfies, hair, selfies, he just doesn’t think. Hijab, niqab, carbon tax, he just doesn’t think. Battery low, battery low, batterrrrrrryyyy looooooowwwwwwww.” An aide arrived and whisked the senator off to a recharge bank.
“As she was saying,” continued Scheer, appearing from a manhole in the floor, “Trudeau needs to be more circumspect. I think what today made clear is that drinking Tim Hortons just shows how out of touch with today’s news stories the Prime Minister’s past is.”