News

Putin Rushed To Hospital With Convulsive Facial And Abdominal Spasms

putinlaughingWe interrupt your regularly scheduled satire to bring you breaking news from the Moscow, where Vladimir Putin has been rushed to hospital with inexplicably violent palpitations of his face and stomach. We now go live to The Out And Abouter’s Russian correspondent, Boris Beltsin. Boris, what can you tell us?

“Yes Peter. At 5:00 AM local Kremlin hour, President Putin fell ill after getting up early to watch new best hit American show: State Of Union. While I wasn’t there, in fact nobody was because Putin never shares remote, I have been informed by his personal security detail that they heard strange noise coming from president’s chambers. They entered, found president collapsed on floor slapping knee red in face and unable to breath. Naturally they assume he is dying, and so took him to hospital for reward and to make new plan.”

Boris, can you tell us, what are the doctors saying about President Putin’s condition? Will he live?

“The doctors say he has something called ‘Repetitive Spasmodic Bustagut Guffaws.’ In Russia we call ‘laughing.’ Is very rare. No one knows if he will survive.”

Shocking Boris. Tell me, what brought this on?

“No idea Peter.”

Could you guess?

“No.” 

Very good Boris. One final question and then we’ll let you go. What is the mood on the streets of Moscow right now?

“Mood?”

Yes Boris. The mood. How are the Russian people feeling about this shocking turn of events.

“The Russian people. Dah. How they are feeling. They are feeling…live, from Moscow, it’s the State Of The Union!!!!!”

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