“I’m getting hints of reneging, with ripe overtones of what the hell was I thinking?” Alberta Premier Rachel Notley declared late last night, as she spat her first sip of Ontario wine down the sink and began calculating how long she would be able to go without a decent glass of Canadian red.

Less than six hours into the Albertan ban on BC wine, it was over. 

“What good are jobs and a thriving economy if we have to drink wine that tastes like hot pennies and lake mud?” Asked most of Alberta as they broke out the Ontario VQA and immediately regretted trying to play hardball with one of life’s core necessities: British Columbian Pinot Noir. 

In a late night meeting with her top advisers, Notley said to just give them whatever the hell they wanted, now. While everyone present agreed that Jason Kenney would never shut up about this, all voted that it didn’t matter and they could just mute him on Twitter whilst enjoying the (crushed) fruits of their failed negotiations. 

“All about admitting when you’re wrong, am I right?” Notley said to herself later, after she’d dismissed her team, uncorked a bottle of Mission Hill Merlot, and poured herself a large glass. This she immediately downed, and poured herself another. “Win some you lose some. I think the people of Alberta will understand, other than Kenney, and he is literally never happy. Maybe we can repurpose Kinder Morgan, fill it up with Reisling and get it to flow this-away? I tell you, that sounds like re-election talk right there Rachy.”

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