“Not My Golfer,” read one protester’s sign, outside Mar-a-Lago, Florida, as Donald Trump took to the links today to continue his search for a sub-par solution to America’s pressing needs in the areas of affordable healthcare, dreamer integration, and protection from being shot while attending high school.
It is President’s Day 2018 in the United States of America. A tweet-storm is predicted in Washington, a can of coke costs $1.00, televisions are now smarter than people, Black Panther is number one at the box office, and at the top of the charts is Jay-Z’s single-day sensation: ‘I got 44 presidents but a buffoon ain’t one.’
“It’s been kind of strange celebrating President’s Day the last couple of years,” admits Janice Furlough, of St. Cloud, Minnesota. “Sort of like Father’s Day when your dad is a deadbeat you know? Conflicting, for sure. I just find myself wishing my president could be like everyone else’s, that’s all.”
“What you have to love about Donald Trump is he does not give up,” says Trump’s golf instructor, as the beleaguered president slices another tee shot into the dense Florida undergrowth. “Keep your shoulders in Donny, that’s it bend the knees, no rush. We got all day. You and I do anyway, the country well, they can just fend for themselves.”