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Teacher Who Regularly Loses The Chalk Not Sure Arming Him Would Improve Safety

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Mr. Martinez, seen here two hours prior to realizing the chalk was under his Duo-Tang all afternoon.

“Whenever I use the projector I have to try every light switch to get the ones at the front to turn off. Every single time,” says Dallas teacher, Mike Martinez, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. “I can’t remember where I last put the chalk, my phone code is 111111 for practical reasons, and an average of three times a semester I accidentally lock my keys in the classroom. The hell do you want give me a gun for?”

As the United States grapples with the rise in school shootings, one idea has stood out from all the others as the stupidest thing anyone has proposed since the Australians decided to take care of a beetle problem with toads: that of arming teachers. Yes. With guns. 

Global reaction upon learning that this suggestion is being made with a straight face by people who are not receiving intensive psychological care, has been to put one’s head between one’s legs and rock quietly back and forth while questioning the future of our species. 

“And I totally agree with that,” says Mr. Martinez. “It’s absurd. Our school’s budget is so tight I cut pencils in half and collect scrap paper from my friends and family like some sort of monk with a cardboard box instead of an alms bowl. But the board is suddenly going to find the thousands of dollars necessary to provide all of my colleagues and myself with firearms? And enough training to take down an active shooter without hitting anyone’s favourite son or daughter? Give me a fucking break. Sorry. That’s a bit coarse. I meant give me a fucking recess.”

Saying that if that was the best suggestion the gun lobby had maybe they needed to start thinking outside the ammo box, Martinez began to list on his fingers the various ways to reduce the number of mass shootings in the United States. He gets ten obvious statements in before his teacher training causes him to leap to his feet to commandeer the wall-to-wall chalkboard at the front of the room. Energized now, he is ready to start listing his ideas. But he pauses. He casts his hands around. He pats his pockets. He checks the top desk drawer.

“Well shoot. Has anyone seen the chalk?”

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5 replies »

  1. Well said. It’s always a good day when I find one of your posts , and this one addresses the insane idea of putting more guns into our already troubled schools beautifully. Thank you…you very often brighten my day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Sandra. You’ve become something of a bellwether for the success of these posts for me. Whenever I see ‘Sandra Getgood’ commented flash up, I know I’ve gotten somewhere on a subject. Really appreciate the support.

      Like

  2. I’m with you! However, as a retired Canadian teacher, potential active shooters most often changed their minds, for fear of being too big a nuisance to too many people. And would apologize. However, we’re i in Texas, I might feel differently, especially if a fine leather holster would help hold my pants up.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. And what happens to the poor teacher who accidentally shoots an innocent child while trying to take out the shooter. There are no guarantees a teacher who doesn’t have the proper training in the use of firearms and doesn’t actively use them is going to be an asset to the situation. Also, why are you trying to place this kind of burden on teachers? It’s not a teacher’s responsibility to become a shooter. That is not what they signed up for as an educator.

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  4. Teachers should have $80K+ incomes and all the resources they need to TEACH, not to arm and protect. The ship is full of bullet holes from all the shoots and how they came to happen. Look at how the previous mass shouting happened, and there is lots of examples, and start plugging the holes. Not with fingers of accusation, but with workable solutions and keeping plugging until as many holes are closed. Don’t go for perfect, but go forward!

    Like

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