“We’re going to hit them right in their money-maker, if that’s alright with everyone else,” said Canadian Finance Minister Bill Morneau this morning, looking determined but apologetic – as per the Canadian national guidelines – as he announced the latest escalation in this nation’s ongoing trade war with the U.S.
By banning Donald Trump’s tweets and cutting off both the online and television presence of Fox News north of the 49th parallel, the government of Canada expects to achieve two key objectives in their ongoing relations with the Trump White House: 1) Peace, and 2) Quiet.
The move comes in response to President Trump’s announcement that the United States will begin taxing criticism of their leadership by as much as 10,000%, a development that is expected to cause significant harm to international satirists and comedians, many of whom have staked entire careers and years of material on exporting ridicule of the worst leader since the first cell divided four billion years ago.
“While this may come across as punitive, we are simply protecting the rights of Canadian comics to eviscerate the Trump administration on an even playing field,” Morneau said, as he enjoyed a fresh cup of satire, and the serenity of a news feed suddenly free of the mind-bendingly asinine tweets of @realdonaldtrump, and the soul-callousing onslaught of Fox News.
Asked if he expected the embargo to lead to retaliatory measures from the 45th president, Morneau raised his peaceful gaze from the horizon and responded with a question of his own; one that is on the tip of many fed-up Canadian‘s tongues this morning: