As the city of Toronto, and Canada, and the world in general, becomes horrifyingly familiar with the violence that occupies the single space between the words ‘involuntary,’ and ‘celibate,’ a much more ubiquitous movement is quietly noting its sixth millennia of persistence, without resorting to killing anyone.
“The inund movement has been around as long as women have been receiving fewer – if any – wages for the same job as their male counterparts,” says Susan Longamme, the 257th director of the Involuntarily Underpaid movement, a very loose affiliation of pretty much every female who has lived in recorded history. “So, forever.”
“And in all those millennia of not receiving ample compensation for a given task – something that is in fact owed to people; unlike sex, for example – we have driven into exactly zero crowds of innocent strangers; and resorted to wholesale, blind violence precisely not a single time.”
Ms. Longamme, and many others of her serially underpaid subculture – that at last count included approximately half the people on earth – are the first to point out that this lack of violence really isn’t something to be particularly lauded.
“I think that’s the bare minimum right there,” she says, noting that there are no plans to mark the generations of women who lived inequitable lives without killing anyone over it, because “while we always remember our predecessors in this fight for equality, among their many accomplishments – like getting the right to vote, and attend university, and be seen as a person in their own right – we put ‘not killing people in insane fits of rage,’ quite a long ways down on the list.”
Asked if she hopes anything comes of her small movement of 3.62 billion women being recognized this week for not being homicidally toxic, Susan pauses for a moment and considers the question. Her face is still, and expression neutral, while showing signs of generational fatigue. After a while she sighs, and answers.
“Well, it sure would be nice if we could stop being referred to as the hysterical ones.”