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Airbnb To Offer Late Police-Assisted Check Outs For Black People

The police say tips are welcome but not necessary.

Saying they can’t change societal prejudices, but they can make them happen at a more reasonable hour, Airbnb has today announced that they will shift the time black people can expect to have the cops called on them for departing their paid-for accommodation from 11 a.m., to 12 p.m.

The move comes after local police forces in many cities across the United States expressed concerns that the 11 o’clock hour was a busy one for them, with many black people needing profiling at that time as they attempt to sit at restaurant tables white people want, willfully barbecue in designated barbecuing areas, listen to music at an enjoyable volume in the middle of the day, and in some cases even make phone calls outside in their backyards without pre-alerting the police and local residents of their intentions to do so.

Airbnb has said they expect the late police calls to be a popular option.

“They won’t even have to call a cab,” says a spokesperson for the online hospitality behemoth. “With our new system folks just click a box confirming they are one of our frequently discriminated against members, and would like to depart the city at noon by way of the police station. Then they just make their way to the curb with their hands in the air while being extremely careful not to make any sudden movements, and the officers take it from there.”

The company has recently struggled with ways to incorporate its slogan – ‘Belong Anywhere’ – with the social realities of a country that still stigmatizes based on appearance, despite President Trump’s tireless efforts to nullify that very divide since coming to office.

“Black or white, Muslim or Christian, gay or straight, we all deserve to be treated with respect, trust, and dignity,” said the president at no stage in his life, before not ever going on to say that “this country has to continue to take steps to remedy the ills of the past, and move towards a future in which no one is discriminated against for any reason. Where anyone can check out of an Airbnb without having the cops called. Where black citizens aren’t incarcerated at five times the rate of white ones, and aren’t two and a half times as likely to be shot by the police.” The president didn’t pause here in this statement he never made.

“That is the America I’m working towards,” he didn’t continue, in quiet, somber tones befitting the scale of crisis in the nation under his charge. “Not this other, divisive, biased one that it appears I am enabling for my own purposes.”

Airbnb says it will roll out the service next week.

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