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Doug. Ford. Refuses to. Speak? In a normal. Cadence.

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Only the? Elites. Speak in sentences. Longer than this.

Just moments into this evening’s leaders’ debate, the last before the upcoming Ontario election, Doug Ford made it very clear that he would? Never conform. To the –

Usual manner in which people speak. 

“Friends,” the leader of the PC party started off, creating a sudden market for new televisions across the province, “I’m here tonight. To tell you? That this. This. Is the question part of the debate?”

After being told that it was, in fact, the ‘opening statements’ section of the program, Ford smiled and said he – Gets it. And was just: “Making sure that. Everyone is awake.”

This was followed by a large grin – that stayed in place for the remaining 47 minutes – and applause from the Ford supporters, including Daniel Day Lewis, who has been acting the shit out of his role as a member of #FordNation ever since receiving his retainer of $75 shortly before the first debate.

Many pundits believe Ford purposely. Speaks in. Tiny segments.

“Because it gives him all sorts of room to play those beautiful solos on the air accordion,” says Tim Fletcher, a professor of political science at McMaster University. “Lovingly expanding and contracting his hands in time to the sounds of an approaching circus, or ice cream truck, or F-150, or whatever he hears.”

For their part, Andrea Horwath and Kathleen Wynne appeared unaffected by the odd delivery, using the subway-sized gaps in it to land jabs such as: “Have you ever even met a child?” (Wynne). And, “You don’t have a platform, you have a bandstand at the county fair” (Horwath).

Voting. Has already? Started.

 

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