News

Fuck

Foord

Ontario’s own, personal, populist. Photo: Getty Images

As the sun stubbornly rose on the darkest day in Ontario politics in living memory, millions of people across the province greeted it – and the news that a totally unqualified, gleefully incompetent candidate won a majority mandate – with a single expletive: “Fuck.”

Some repeated it while they wandered their houses thumbing through news articles and commiserating with friends via social media: “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck, fuck.”

Others turned it into a rising crescendo of obscenity that echoed off their walls and made their pets wonder if the world had somehow run out of kibble, or banned scratches behind the ears: “FuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!”

And many made it into a somber, steely mantra, that they promised to not stop repeating until this province comes to its goddamn senses: “Oh-fucka-fuckity-fuck-no, oh-fucka-fuckity-fuck-no, oh-fucka-fuckity-fuck-no.”

The rebel obscenity echoed through the quiet morning streets of central Toronto, as the majority of the city’s residents lay catatonic on bathroom floors, repetitively trying to wake from this unoriginal nightmare.

It sounded loudly across the silent lakes and tree-lined hills running from Killarney to James Bay, scaring moose, silencing blue jays, and making the ears of juvenile black bears swivel in surprise. 

As far afield as the streets of Hong Kong, London, Sydney, Seoul, and Clearwater, expatriate Ontarians loudly swore, and then had to explain to the residents of these other countries that their home province had done something unbelievably stupid. That – after watching the United States elect a totally unqualified, inept, belligerently petty leader with a plan made entirely of duct-taped together slogans and promises written in disappearing ink – Ontario had effectively said “hold my buck-a-beer.”

Back home again, the province is collectively getting to its feet, 40.63% of it super excited to see $6 billion dollars materialize out of thin air without any services being cut, and the remaining 59.37% wondering how long it’s going to take them to realize what they’ve done, and how many people are going to suffer for it in the interim.

A mother in the riding of Ottawa Centre flicks on the light in the kitchen, opens the back door for the dog, and – having heard the kids already stirring upstairs – switches on the radio. 

“Tonight we sent a clear message to the world,” Ford shouts out of the old General Electric. She turns it off with a swipe, and finishes his sentence for him.

“Yeah. Ontario is going in the shitter.” She leans her shoulder against the doorway in the cool, early morning damp, as she watches the dog circle in the quiet backyard, and then lets her head fall heavily against the support. 

“Fuck.” 

 

For more Canadian satire, and commentary, follow  The Out And Abouter on Facebook, or @OutAndAbouter on Twitter.
shutterstock_434536597-3

 

Categories: News

Tagged as: , ,

23 replies »

  1. As you know, we have a similar problem here in the US, and sympathize with you folks in Canada today. Here’s a thought from President Macron of France, which is helping us hang on: “No leader rules forever.”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. So happy to see the end of the Fiberals! Not even party status! YES YES YES. Lets get rid of the pit bull ban by having responsible dog ownership, perhaps replace with the Calgary Model….instead of targetting innocent dogs and their families. Make hydro rates fairer!!!… no surprise that almost all rural voters chose to get rid of the corrupt party that had us paying DOUBLE what urban Ontarians pay! FUCK YA!!!!!!!

    Like

    • Fuck you. Rural voters all almost always vote Conservative thinking that big-city liberals are screwing them over. But you’re dead wrong. Big city liberals are looking out for rural Ontarians while conservative dicks like Ford are really part of the big city elite. You’ve been fooled by Ford just like poor white bigots in the US South were fooled by Trump. And you are NOT paying double what urban hydro users pay. You are a stupid idiot.

      Liked by 2 people

      • HI PETER..I LIVE IN RURAL NO. CALIFORNIA…CAN (WOULD) YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THIS IS ABOUT? I DON’T GENERALLY FOLLOW TOO MUCH CANADIAN POLITICS, BUT THIS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO KNOW ABOUT..THANKS FOR ANY HELP.

        Like

        • Ontario is in a crisis and just voted back in the party that created this mess in the first place. Cuts to the already working poor, families, services, more corporate welfare and downloading to the municipalities. We pay the highest rates for electric in Canada selling the surplus 40% less, they took away our train & reduced bus travel. I see a major depression in the works. A majority rough shod government with only a 6% difference between the popular vote. Apparently Ontario ends in Toronto God help us all!

          Like

    • If pit bull owners were responsible, there would not be a – never actually enforced ban on them. #. Ford will privatize hydro sending rates skyrocketing and – oh yes – eff the planet, big business is king. Bless your maiieve ass!

      Like

    • I feel morally obligated to point out that, while Wynne is responsible for finishing the job instead of fixing the problem, it was Harris that privatized Hydro One, making it a private, profit-first corporation. And you voted in the same damned party. Congratu-fucking-lations. Next time, at least buy the rest of us a fucking beer. Maybe some lube, too, eh.

      You do realize that since Ontario does not own Hydro One (because that’s what privatization fucking MEANS), Ford has no control over firing the CEO, nor does he have one fucking iota of control over pricing? Again; next time, beer and fucking lube, please?

      $40B in tax cuts and spending. $6B in “inefficiencies savings”. Simple math says he’s already $34B in the hole. Fuck-Fuckity-Fuck-Fuck-Fuck.

      On the plus side, for those who believed his bullshit; I have this bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you shares in. I promise I own it….

      Like

  3. 6 Billion is a conservative estimate (pun intended) for what this plan will cost us. Guess what, I’m the end that’s what the plans of the other two parties were going to cost as well. Ah well, once all this PC supporters have their extra $20 in their pockets and have spent an evening drinking their 20 shitty $1 beers, they’ll need to head to the emergency room, where they will find no one working to help them – cost cutting measure, after all.

    Like

  4. Some of us said the same thing when Bob Rae was elected, then McGuinty, and then Wynne. And, history has proven us right. Ford is not Trump, or anything resembling him beyond the fact both are buffoons. Ontario was already in the shitter when Ford took it over.

    Like

  5. WHY IS IT THAT ALL THE BAAAAAAD THAT MS. WYNNE HAS DONE OVER HER PREMIERSHIP GETS FORGOTTEN?

    WHY IS IT THAT SHE IS PARDONED FOR BURYING US…… IN ONTARIO?

    WHY IS IT NO ONE IS CAPABLE OF SEEING THAT DOUG FORD IS NOT PERFECT, BUT TRULY DOES WANT ONTARIO TO BE STRONG AND PRODUCTIVE!!!! LET HIM SHOW WHAT HE AND HIS PARTY CAN ACCOMPLISH BEFORE YOU THROW HIM UNDER THE BUS.

    NO ONE THOUGHT TO THROW MS. WYNNE UNDER THE BUS WITH ALL HER BAD MONEY MANAGEMENT DECISIONS. WHO AGREES TO AN ELEVEN MILLION DOLLAR PAYOUT TO THE CEO OF HYDRO ONTARIO IF HE HAPPENS TO GET FIRED????? INSANE. SHE DID.

    THIS IS MY OPINION.

    Like

    • Fact is that your opinion depends on completely ignoring the situation left by the same Conservative Party you so obviously support. Ford is a conman with no perceptible skills for management or government – and your opinion won’t change that.

      Like

  6. Getting Wynne out was crucial, but voting for either blue or orange is equally as bad……..there will be repercussions.

    Like

  7. Oh booooo hoooooo liberals put you, your grandchildren and your great grandchildren in debt. Where is he getting the money? By getting civil servants to understand all the people paying their wages are working 3 jobs to live, hydro executive is NOT worth 6 million a year( liberals allowed this) oh yeah Wynnes friends!!! Remember him couldn’t find a solution so she paid him $600,000 and sent him back to the states. On and on and on. You can’t break the people and expect them to keep paying. Ontario is the most indebt in North America, going into debt at the pace of $40 Million a day!!! Who did this liberals!!!!!! End of STORY!!!

    Like

    • The people were broken long before Wynne. Why must we have a “right now!” attitude when it comes to politics all the time?

      Rae (who Ford supporters have been pointing at for the whole campaign as a horror story) was Premier of Ontario in a time when every economy was facing the first round of real recessions we’ve been facing time and again in increasing cycles since. His methods – which I understand offended greedy capitalist and libertarian conservatives – kept Ontario competitive and bobbing near the surface.

      Then came Harris. Harris absolutely destroyed and dismantled everything that was buttressing Ontario’s economy. We owned Hydro, thus we had control over prices and salaries. We owned the 407, thus we had control over prices and building it. We owned much of Gas distribution, thus control over prices and salaries. Those at the bottom of the socioeconomic scale actually had a small amount of disposable income, and could participate in the market. Teachers had resources in the classroom, and could teach children without having to be creative (in terms of resources) about it. If you had to go to the hospital, you didn’t always have to go to the nearest City Centre to find it, and there were enough nurses there to keep ER flowing. ALL of these things Harris dismantled. Harris.

      Then McGuinty. An administrator, and with a minority government, he made compromise after compromise, trying to keep the conservatives happy by not spending too much (remember that disaster in the mall? no help, because he was scared of spending money to save lives, until all of Ontario screamed). This meant he did not fix any of the disastrous things Harris had created. Spineless, and supportive of neoliberal austerity measures.

      Then Wynne. She tried to find creative solutions without spending large amounts of money. Here’s something interesting that is never acknowledged: She made the bad deals with the green companies for energy, but it was the Harper government that made the negotiations for the prices we could charge when selling to another country (that’s kind of the way this works: COUNTRIES make cross-border deals, not Provinces). So Wynne made bad deals, and Harper made bad deals, and we get screwed because nobody thought about the PEOPLE, just the MONEY.

      Now. Look at this history. What is Ford saying he is going to do?
      -He says he is going to return to Harris’ policy of selling things off, and thinks he will still have the power and control over those sold off companies to control prices and salaries.
      Huh?
      -He says he is going to cut taxes, the single source of income for the Ontario government (since PCs and Liberals have sold off any potentially profitable enterprises). Well, that’ll help, right?
      HUH?
      -He’s going to slash prices on things he has no control over. Fire people in companies he does not have control of.
      What?
      THEN, after he does all these things he can’t do, he’s going to spend money on hospital beds. What fucking money? No income. Court battles because he is trying to control private businesses. Then he’ll have extra money to spend, right?
      WHAT?

      I thought conservatives thought of themselves as these reasonable, high-thinking, logical, fiscally responsible people? How is it that none of you can see these VERY clear things? These VERY simple connections between things? It does not take a genius to see clearly that when the vast majority of the money in the world is sitting in a bank, EVERYONE suffers. The answer is NOT to make opportunities for more of that money to sit in the bank, it is to tax that money and send it back into the economy where it can be used by everyone. Think past the rhetoric. Think with your OWN brain. LOOK at things with a thinking lens, not a propaganda or Party Line lens. Good luck to you.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s