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Nobel Prize Now A Near-Certainty For Trump After He Does The Impossible And Unites Canada

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Canadians of all political beliefs came together to say they hope that asshole never comes back.

Even as the backlash grows against Donald Trump, and his complex new foreign policy of ‘Blame Canada,’ pundits are saying that while it may not have been intentional, the president deserves his share of the credit for doing what many observers believed was an impossible task: getting Canadians to agree on something.

“Think of him as having the diplomatic effect of an intoxicated bull in a china shop with very, very narrow aisles,” said Sven Bjurn, head of the Norwegian thinktank ‘Dum-Dum,’ which directly translates as ‘The Institute For Observing The Effects Of Trumpism On Bilateral International Relations.’

“Despite his having destroyed the store and then pooped on the carpet, there is nothing left for those in charge of the china shop to do but come together, clean up the mess, and long for the days when bulls stayed in their fields and let people do the shopping.”

And that coming together is exactly what has happened in Canada.

Andrew Scheer, who has spent most of his tenure as leader of the opposition hounding Justin Trudeau on everything from which side of the bed he sleeps on, to the way he breathes, tweeted his support for the Prime Minister’s position on free trade, and warned the United States that personal attacks are unhelpful. Trudeau is reportedly recovering well from the emergency lung surgery that hearing this news necessitated, and has asked Scheer to next time provide at least two days notice before agreeing with him. 

Another notable Canadian Conservative to come out immediately in favour of Trudeau’s disinclination to let a madman dictate the terms of a trade agreement, was Jason Kenney. The Albertan leader of the opposition (no, that is not all the conservative parties in Canada do, they also hold weiner roasts, write books about hockey, and promise cheap beer in Ontario) said he was in ‘complete agreement’ with the PM’s rebuttal of Trump’s twitter spasms. Mr. Kenney later confirmed he knows what the word ‘complete’ means, and even offered to use it in a sentence. 

“Stephen Harper completes me.”

Bringing voices like this onside in the modern era of daily Twitter takedowns seemed unthinkable just 18 short hours ago. But that was before The Donald got involved.

“Your [sic] welcome Canadia [sic].” The president wrote late on Sunday, in response to the news that everyone dislikes him more than they dislike each other. “If it wasn’t for me acting like an ASS CLOWN, you’d all still be squabbling over an ice rink. Pierre [sic] should THANK me. Noble [sic] prize now a lock. Running out of things TO WIN. Siri: Why am I still so sad? Siri: Is this thing still on?”

For more bilateral Canadian satire, follow The Out And Abouter on Facebook, or @OutAndAbouter on Twitter.
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7 replies »

  1. Reblogged this on Robby Robin's Journey and commented:
    This is too funny not to reblog. I’ll try not to make it a habit, but it’s the first time I’ve been able to laugh all day after having my stomach churning thanks to Trump’s bullying temper tantrum. Thanks once again to Paul Duncan’s The Out and Abouter.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I don’t know what it was but finally Mr. T’s comments got to me and I was depressed all day? The only consolation is that just today I was contacted by 4 of my American friends. One of them was so enraged that she literally talked for an hour without me having a chance to say much.
      Let’s just hope that cool heads prevail on both sides of the border!
      As the old US embassador to Canada said today, “don’t despair this is just a temporary situation”. Is it???

      Liked by 2 people

      • I hope the satire helped a little bit. It helped me; at least I laughed! To be honest, I’m not sure if it’s just a temporary situation. The American electorate will have to decide. It will take a lot of grassroots action, good candidates, and getting out the vote. Fingers crossed for an America that doesn’t want to stand alone.

        Like

  2. I’m afraid it’s not a temporary situation. True, Trump will have trouble getting re-elected in 2020; but don’t underestimate the Democrat’s ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Even if he does lose, his supporters will be trouble for a long time.

    Like

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