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Trump Spends Day Reading Poetry, Taking Solitary Walks, Reflecting On Lightness Of Being

 

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The president, seen here considering whether it is possible for an omnipotent being to create a rock too heavy for itself to lift.

As has become the norm for the administration of the 45th president of the United States, there was little to report today from the White House. The well-oiled wheels of this soundless governmental juggernaut continued to glide smoothly towards a hopeful horizon, led by the ever-steady, if-somewhat-media-shy Donald J. Trump. Better known as ‘The Professor.’

“Well, not a whole lot to report today folks,” said a relaxed-looking Sarah Huckabee Sanders at the midday presser, after complimenting CNN’s Jim Acosta for his in-depth article on the president – one which turned a spotlight on the long hours and careful consideration Donald Trump puts into every decision, and each word spoken; and the humble accessibility he presents to everyone from the press, to his children, to the many support staff and assistants in his twinkling constellation.

“I can tell you that President Trump began his day with an enjoyable walk in the Rose Garden, without his phone, as per his habit,” the press secretary continued.

“He then had a lengthy and engrossing breakfast with Ta-Nehisi Coates – it being a Thursday – followed by a phone call with the Canadian prime minister, in which the two leaders agreed that while lowering environmental regulations might currently be a politically expedient way to boost business, and thus the popularity of their respective governments, that this was akin to an athlete taking supplements while only eating potato chips, and just as sustainable. With that in mind the two then recommitted to working together to leave a legacy for our grandchildren that doesn’t involve rebreathers, subterranean cities, or a forced colonization of Mars. After that the president meditated for 30 minutes, before closing the morning by reading a selection of his favourite William Wordsworth poems. He asked that I relate the following passage, one of his most cherished:

“With an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things.”

Huckabee-Sanders then looked up, raised her eyebrows in consideration – making her already serene face into a veritable mask of sanguinity – and repeated the bit about ‘life of things,’ before proceeding to hang out and answer questions until the White House press corps couldn’t think of anything else to ask.

While a late-breaking controversy deeper into the day threatened to derail the White House’s prevailing demeanour of sober second thought, the president expertly navigated the complicated waters of whether or not families should be separated when detained at the borders of the land of the free, and home of the brave.

“As my good friend the Dalai Lama likes to tell me every time we break a thirty-day silence, ‘Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.’ While I, for one, hold out hope that we can help these travellers, I am certain we can, at a minimum, not harm them.”

Asked if he would be repeating that message on Twitter, the president asked what that was, before waving one strong, capable hand; and adjourning for the evening to trim his bonsai tree while listening to classical music and considering both the capricious brevity of life, and worthiness of the challenge found in trying to act justly in such a chaotic helter-skelter.

 

 

For more of the unbearable lightness of satire, follow The Out And Abouter on Facebook, or @OutAndAbouter on Twitter.
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