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In Escalation Of Diplomatic Dispute Saudi Arabia Bans Ice, Apologies, Canadian Tuxedos


As Saudi Arabia continues to show that it will not allow itself be told that human rights apply to women, fortuitous oil does not a good leader make, and Canada walks quietly but carries a goalie stick, the economic sanctions being levied by the Middle Eastern kingdom against the northern nation have officially moved to “Unnecessary Roughness” on the Canadian Index of You Wanna Take This Outside?

With the Saudi Ice Organization (Canada’s third largest purchaser of last year’s snowmen) saying earlier today that it will no longer buy frozen water mixed with carrots from the Canucks, an announcement that was quickly followed by a statement from the Saudi Agency For General Civility saying that apologies – a social mechanism whose mass production is widely attributed to the Canadians – would be ceased in the kingdom by royal decree, it is now clear that the oil-rich but equality-poor Arab state intends to take getting pissy about a politely-worded tweet to its logical, permanent-rift-creating conclusion:

“We are banning the Canadian Tuxedo.” 

That news sent Canadian jean producers (the go-to global experts in covering people head-to-toe in denim for occasions both formal and relaxed) into a near-worry.

“Well, shoot eh. I guess we’ll just have to send those extra tuxes to Wyoming along with the other 3 million units,” said Sam Hartley, founder and CEO of the famous Canadian denim couturers Sam’s Stonewash Suppliers. “Better go let George at Fine Jeanwear know there’ll be a few extra in the next shipment.”

“My feeling is that the Saudis are using Canada to set an example for any other nation that might be considering saying it is wrong for a government to arbitrarily imprison people they don’t like,” stated Out And Abouter foreign correspondent, Tom Green, reporting live from DJ Khaled Airport, in Riyadh.  

“So far it seems to only be hurting the Saudis. The drinks are warm. The women people asking for women to be allowed to be people are detained. No one is saying sorry. And everyone looks ill-prepared for a rodeo,” he declared soberly, holding up what is believed to be the last cold Canada Dry ginger ale on the Arabian Peninsula.

“My hope, like the hopes of all advocates for human rights, ice, apologies, and tailored denim, is that this doesn’t continue much longer. But my fear is it will.”

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