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Breaking: Maxime Bernier Announces Bold New Plan To Re-Elect Justin Trudeau

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Proving that the oft-repeated refrain “‘Ell ‘ath no fury? Like ah Maxime Bernier scorned,” is as true today as it was last week, and the week before, the MP from Beauce today announced his intentions to leave the Conservative Party and inadvertently do everything in his power to secure another term for the current prime minister, Mr. Justin Trudeau. 

“Yes, that Andrew Scheer don’t know whether he is coming in the front door or going out the back,” Mr. Bernier said, looking tanned after spending most of the week approving rabble-rousing tweets from the back nine holes of his favourite golf course.

“I tol’ him if he doesn’t free the milk, I’ll be giving him the cheese, and he said to me, ‘Maxime, I’m the Stephen Harper now and you have got to respect my authoritah.’ And that is why I am now going to start the WildTweet Party.”

When asked to address the possibility that his actions will do nothing more than divide Canadian Conservatives into two factions (fiscal, and ‘let’s get physical’) thus allowing Trudeau to split the blues defence, fake out Jagmeet Singh with a shoulder drop to the left, and slot the 2019 election, top shelf – Bernier shook his head in disbelief. 

“I mean, Jagmeet is pretty quick you know,” the former football player said, appearing disoriented by what has certainly been a whirlwind week he has spun for himself, since deciding to emulate the political approach of an American president currently putting out more fires than the BC forestry service. 

“Look, the WildTweet Party is going to be a great thing for Canada. I guess. But best of all it is going to be a really, really, terrible thing for Andrew Scheer. And that, mes amis, is all that matters.”

 

 

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