A shout of triumph went up in Japan’s Mission Control Centre early Sunday morning, as the Asian nation celebrated successfully landing two rovers on the surface of United States Vice President Mike Pence, a first in the storied history of emotionless automaton exploration.
Deployed from a probe hovering at a low altitude above the VP’s hairline, the two rovers are believed to be the first foreign objects to have landed on Pence’s face since Donald Trump’s ass paid a touch-and-go visit early last week.
“We only gave it a 50/50 chance of success,” said Mission Co-ordinator Haruto Yamamoto, “as there was no way of knowing in advance if the landing site would be sweating, covered by a hat, or perhaps even a new, edgier haircut. Thankfully it was all clear, and we were able to make our approach while the Penceroid was engaged in a lengthy statement regarding the sinfulness of smiling with your eyes.”
The rovers are designed to hop along the vice president’s beige exterior, and will be conducting a battery of tests and scans in an attempt to determine the composition of Mr. Pence (competing theories currently exist for wax and stone, respectively). And, of course, the remote vehicles will continue the search for signs of intelligence in the upper Trump administration.
“But we’re not holding our breath there,” says Yamamoto, adding that early images show a cold, airless environment, with a view that appears to have changed little in thousands of years.