In the latest startling development in a case that has caught the attention of the world, the hereditary tycoons of Saudi Arabia today revealed their concerns that Jamal Khashoggi may not have been the only victim of a rogue intelligence official.
“It now appears that Jamal Khashoggi’s killer might have also been blockading the entire country of Yemen, undetected, since 2015.” said a Saudi Arabian official, in a statement which he prefaced with a disclaimer to the gathered press that he himself could be a rogue agent, depending on reactions of the international community to what he had to say.
Missing since last week, the Saudi investigation into Mr. Khashoggi’s ‘disappearance’ has stalled in the ‘would-you-believe-aliens?’ stages. But the Middle Eastern power has said that early signs indicate the suspicious circumstances around the dissident journalist’s absence could also have been the work of a psychopath, who was somehow able to infiltrate the Saudi Arabian Torture and Dismemberment Division.
“And, while our investigation is still a preliminary one,” the Saudi official continued, “it appears that this ruthless killer also prevented food, medicine, and fuel from reaching a neighbouring nation of 28 million people, before repeatedly bombing them via airstrikes.”
Appraised of this latest development, U.S. President Donald Trump admitted this had been his suspicion all along.
“How could the leaders of a great nation lie so openly, while brazenly breaking human rights laws in plain view?” the president asked, before clarifying that he was, in fact, serious.
“I’ve known the Saudis for a long time, and trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you, about this or anything else folks. Why would I? I’m rich. Rich people don’t lie. Doesn’t matter where you’re from, be it Saudi Arabia or the U. S. of A., wealthy folks don’t need to tell untruths. Other than that no good Jeff Bezos,” Trump then trailed off into a long-winded, ‘inconsistency’-riddled diatribe about the collapse of the United States Postal System under the heel of Amazon’s success.
While alone in tying Saudi’s lack of culpability in the killing of Khashoggi to the vast number of Yemenis who have died while the world pointedly looked the other way, Trump wasn’t the only leader foreign leader to let his jaw do the legwork.
“We here in Canada have serious concerns over the suspected killing of Jamal Khashoggi, and ongoing humanitarian crisis in Yemen,” said Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, as his eyes strayed absently to an electoral map of his own nation, hanging on his office wall.
“So serious are these concerns that we have no choice but to honour a contract for 900 armoured vehicles that Canada has agreed to sell to Saudi Arabia, because the deal was signed by our predecessors in permanent ink, unlike all of the other agreements and laws they enacted that we have overturned. Certainly bad luck there for Yemen.”
“I will say that the notion that Jamal Khashoggi and the people of Yemen have suffered a horrible fate at the hands of a rogue Saudi agent, is a patently ridiculous suggestion, logically speaking,” Trudeau went on to admit, before adding, “But when viewed from a manufacturing standpoint …”