In a touching moment, held shortly after the Soyuz spacecraft successfully docked with the International Space Station at 12:33 PM EDT, Canadian astronaut David Saint-Jacques revealed the sentimental object he had brought into orbit to keep his spirits up in the long months ahead: other Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield.
“It just makes sense,” Saint-Jacques said in his first interview from space, as he gently combed out the former ISS commander’s moustache, and fluffed him back into shape after his long journey in a vacuum-sealed personal effects bag. “Chris brings an incredible amount of knowledge and redundancy to the mission, as well as being able to speak Canadian, and playing a mean guitar. But let’s be honest, the biggest factor in my decision was that as we all know the man’s adorable. And I just couldn’t face a whole six months without him.”
In typically understated fashion, Hadfield addressed the development in a tweet to his large online following.
“Fun Fact: Astronauts get to choose a few small items to take with them into space. I took a guitar, an orca, and an irrepressible sense of wonder. Today, David Saint-Jacques took me. Neat!”
The unusual – though admittedly pretty sweet – use of the allowance for personal items marks the first time there have been two Canadians in orbit at once, and has raised some concerns that the northern nation may be making some sort of a space grab.
“That’s Canadians for you,” said former American astronaut, Buzz Aldrin. “All smiles and easy ways until suddenly you turn around and everyone’s smoking dope and talking about the greater good. Whatever happened to the good old days of space races to beat the commies? Now we’ve just got science experiments to the sounds of David Bowie. Sickening, really.”
While NASA has officially accepted the Canadian’s admission that the only ulterior motive behind bringing Hadfield back to space was to guarantee victory at the inaugural Space Hockey Cup – to be held in early 2019, against the now-overpowered individual American and Russian astronauts – the space agency was quick to point out that this means Chris and David will have to share rations, a bunk, a treadmill, and time spent staring reverentially out of the space station’s Cupola module toward our small, fragile planet.
“Yeah, no biggie,” said both David and Chris, already finishing each other’s sentences. “We’re astronauts, after all. And we’re ok. One of us will work all night and sleep all day.”