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Canadian GoFundMe Raises $6B In Two Hours To Pay For Privacy Hedge Along Entire US Border

hedgery

An “artist’s” rendition of the “privacy hedge”.

In a stunning rebuke of the 46th best president in American history, the United States’ northern neighbour shattered numerous crowdsourcing records today, when it raised billions and billions and billions of dollars to plant and maintain a living barrier between themselves and the adjacent idiocracy. 

“We’d heard that a bunch of people down in the You-Ess-of-Eh had decided to empty their wallets out for a wall that won’t block anything other than half of all escape routes, when their dirty bomb of a president melts through his retaining barrier,” explains the man who started the campaign, Tom Candy, of Fewmarket, Ontario.

“So naturally our first thought was: how can we best deal with this shitshow as it unfolds directly beside us, and add a little ever-greenery to a world which, it has to be said, is looking a little bleak right now? The answer was, of course, legalizing marijuana. But with that already having been done, our next thought was: let’s plant a privacy hedge.”

The campaign started with the modest goal of raising $250,000, which was estimated to be enough to pay for an ad on Fox & Friends asking Americans to help Canada secure its border against the dreaded MAGA-16 gang.

“But when we achieved that ambition in less than one hot minute (Celsius), we realized we needed to expand our operations from trolling the dredges to bankrolling the hedges,” Candy says, as he directs another tractor trailer into a vast warehouse he has stocked with young yew saplings, waiting to take their positions along the formerly longest undefended border in the universe. 

“And in under two hours we collected $6 billion Canadian. Which is extraordinary, really, given the time of year, and current cost of hockey tickets.”

In an interesting side-bar, one that some have taken to indicate that the stresses of modern populism have already migrated north, a number of spin-off campaigns have begun, calling for privacy hedges between many of Canada’s own provinces.

“We’re seeing funds started on both sides of the Rockies, so it looks like B.C. and Alberta are going to work together to block each other out,” says living barrier expert, Mick Terser. “And Quebec has raised over $10 million for their ‘haie de la vie privée’, to get something between themselves and the increasingly desperate Ontarians, as they try to escape Doug Ford’s term as Revengier. Heck, even Newfoundland has started a petition to rename the Gulf of St. Lawrence the ‘Aqua Hedge’. So yes, it’s a very fractious year everywhere you look.”

News of the cross-country shrubbery came as a surprise to many Americans, who were pretty sure they’d heard that the Canadians had already planted one of those two years ago, in the days following the U.S. decision to elect a discarded traffic pylon – found in a ditch on the road to nowhere – as their leader.

“No,” corrects Candy. “That was a joke. This time we’re serious.”


For more real maple satire, follow The Out And Abouter on Facebook, or @OutAndAbouter on Twitter.shutterstock_434536597-3

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456 replies »

      • Just asking why you didn’t build a mine field. You know that the U.S. does not maintain infrastructure, so keep the hedge 6 inches inside the border.

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    • If Mexico bulldozed any part of our “wall” we’d consider it an act of war. Don’t act like it’s any different if we cross the candadian border and did the same. Even as a joke, especially considering you’d be livid if it happened here.

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    • It’s a shame, really. Canada and the USA used to be great neighbors, in a symbiotic relationship. Trump has spoiled that big time. He has also managed to turn most of the world’s countries against each other. He is extremely vindictive, a rebel without a cause, so to speak.

      Liked by 3 people

        • I guess because he isn’t backward about telling other countries they need to pay their fair share and stop relying on the US to carry the burden of defense for them. He probably embarrassed them by saying it in a public forum instead of quietly like other presidents would have done. Of course, then they could deny that anything like that had been discussed. Frankly, it’s nice to see an American president stand up for us instead of giving away everything. Former presidents have been more worried about impressing the world than taking care of us.

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          • I don’t think you know much about Canada’s willingness to help the U.S. with it’s military defense. Get a globe and look at what country is directly between us and Russia / China.

            Liked by 3 people

            • And so you are saying Canada protects the US? The 30 mil people smashed up against the boarder? Or the 1000’s of miles of uninhabitable frozen waistland? Good on ya Canada you are smart and helpful. We sure do need your horse bound Mounties with sticks to protect us from Russia and China. In fact I think the best thing for convoys and illegal aliens is instead of shipping them home we just send them to Canada because you guys are so good and powerful. With your CAD being so powerful I can earn $5 and buy a 20oz Coke.

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              • Border, wasteland, Spell check.
                Uninhabitable? Except it’s absolutely lived in, not to mention it’s melting faster with your #45 help. Ever heard of the DEW line? Check it out, how we protect you. Mounties with sticks? Do you believe we live in igloos too? How about 9/11, or the Tehran revolution, when we absolutely protected American lives, or didn’t that count? You are an ungrateful sod

                Liked by 1 person

            • I can see the smoke from her brain right now. In her mind both China and Russia are across different oceans. How can Canada possibly be in between us and them? The earth is flat, you know?

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          • How has he taken care of us?? You must not know anything about finance to even try to make that claim. No wonder Canada wants a hedge!!! Hahaha

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            • Angi, Good luck spending the rest of your life drinking koolaid and buying the lies the US government tells you. Who do you think attacked your country on 9/11? Hint: the leader was named Dick Cheney. You were punked, and you’re too inane to get it!

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        • Dawn, #NoMyPresident Trump ruins everything he even comes close to! If you don’t know how he has ruined the relationship, maybe you should take a minute to google it and read all about it! It’s not hard to find multiple examples. He’s a stain on our country and a menace to the World!

          Liked by 1 person

    • good we dont have to watch in horror as canadians and their children are being gang raped and beheaded by their muslim occupiers funneled into canaduh by soros and trudeau the cuck

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    • So in other words we – I mean they will need extra $ to keep the hedge secure and our border as well. After all we don’t- I mean they don’t want -what is it – gang members, drug dealers, diseases and rapes to come across from the US. Man this world is crazy.

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    • Not to much difference than having cartels and coyotes drive trucks up to the wall filled with explosives and let them all go at once. Oops… Or the simple way, a ladder taller than the fence. Much less expensive than 300,000

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    • the nice thing about the hedges being living greenery is that it won’t work to keep ppl out, all someone has to do is pour a little gas on the hedge and ” PUFF ” there goes your so called pruvacy hedge!!

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  1. If you had 15,000,000 illegals already and increasing at a rate of a million every years you might not be so high and mighty. I’ve always wondered why you as a country of 30 million feel you have a right to tell a country of 300 million how they should Fido things. Wish we could export our criminals that are here illegally to cross into Canada with hedge clippers.

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    • This isn’t high, and it isn’t mighty. And luckily the right to point out idiocy isn’t granted by population size. Understanding border walls are an ineffective, and inhumane, barrier to human migration is basic. Fidon’t you read a history book?

      Liked by 11 people

      • Lol yea, “read a history book”! You’ll probably read something about the Berlin Wall, the Israel/Egypt wall, the Israel West wall, the Hungarian border wall, and the widespread use of effective barriers implemented in order to protect two-thirds of the world’s population. Why are Liberals so ignorant?

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      • Your ignorance sure shows.. We have murders and rapist migrating in at alarming numbers and no way to Vet them.. We already can barely find jobs in this country and you think that is made any easy by this. Also Vetting the good peopke from the murders and rapist is the problen.. It is not happening at all.. And apparently you don’t know how laughable of a country yours is to the rest of the world.. How about u look past what you see on your bought and Paused for, elitist funded media .. And do some research for your self.

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        • Where are you getting your data? We have far more home grown murderers and rapists than those sneaking across the border to commit heinous crimes- How many people do you personally know that have been directly victimized by an illegal immigrant- I have never and to my knowledge none of my friends or families have either- the numbers aren’t what the fear mongers are leading you to believe.

          Liked by 2 people

          • All statistics aside, being from NY, you can never forget. Its beyond scary and even if the wall sounds “STUPID” or ridiculous, it’s such an amazing feeling to have a President actually looking into some sort of increase of security at the borders. Even if it doesnt work, something is being said about it and ACTIONS are being taken. Everyone has a right to their opinion and I know I may get “roasted” as being a Trump supporter (which I’m a registered Democrat) or poked fun at; trolled or you may even call it being “bullied” but, this is the first time I’ve felt like we finally are onto something with security. Like I said, this may or may not work but, it’s a start. We NEED to increase security and defense.

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            • There is already security at the border. Some people act like nothing is being done to secure borders. Also, U.S. has one of the most stringent vetting processes in the world. Where are these people getting their information?

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        • Unemployment is really low, also they commit crimes at a significant lower rate than natural born Americans. As an American in deeply embarrassed by Tiffany. We aren’t all this poorly educated I promise.

          Liked by 2 people

        • A family walking thousands of miles to seek asylum is not a threat to me nor my neighbors. The Christian thing to do – especially this holiday season, is to love thy neighbor without restrictions. I’m less concerned about people risking their lives for an actual chance to live in America. I’m more concerned about sending my children to school everyday, wondering if a “misunderstood”, “mentally ill” terrorist decides my child doesnt get to come home at the end of the day. How do we vet that?

          Also, no one is stealing our jobs Tiffany, if you google search “jobs near me”, the number of job listings may shock you.

          Liked by 1 person

        • tbh there’s a HUGE abundance of white, american male rapists & murderers, when are we gonna vet them? we honestly shouldn’t have these people in society undetected 😦 i’d LOVE if we could vet the good white americans from the bad ones, if what you’re saying is probable than that should be too. maybe for once women can feel safe walking anywhere. #vetwhitemales

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        • But we need folks like Tiffany! They make us work harder for voter equity, getting money out of politics and legislating enforceable ethics codes for elected and appointed officials (which not one of our 45th best president’s men and (technically) women would have passed).

          Oh, and Tiffany – that hedge will be more secure than a stupid wall. Its roots will prevent tunneling like the ones under California and Texas borders. Its modest height will enable Mounties and radio waves to do their jobs for less money. And it will rebuild itself at no cost. Imagine that! Speaking of cost, the proposed cement wall would cost not $5 billion but over $20 billion US. Wasn’t Mexico supposed to pay for that?

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        • Tiffany we can not stop rapists because they are being raised here. With a pussy grabbing president in charge we have approval to grab and assault all we want. Look at the alarming rate that rapist walk because we must protect their future. I’m glad to name examples besides our wonderful leader.

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      • Canada speaks, wow, how amazing, they’re trying to show a sense of humor….the great white north, in an attempt to shame the US. What’s even more entertaining is them feeling the need to come after the US for any reason, really!!! Their going to point out the Idiocy and their right to do so! I look at how many Canadians annually come to the US to live in florida and spend millions of their dollars in our economy instead of their own!! Many of them, that I know personally, want to stay! Why, better medical, tax implications etc, idiocy!!!!!! Do us all a favor, keep your opinions and stick them where the sun doesn’t shine!

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        • Oy – first, we were “ugly Americans.” Now we’re what – laughable? Whiny? Kevin, the US doesn’t need any help with shaming – we did the best shaming job ever by letting the nation get into the 2016 election state of mind.

          Do yourself a favor, Kevbro – read a real newspaper, or – better yet – a book. Learn a few facts about our biggest fossil fuel partner, or about that area where no sun is shining right about now – but its ice is melting pretty fast. How are the payments going on your F250?

          Liked by 1 person

      • Border walls are over 90% effective. Just ask China, Israel, The Vatican etc.
        They also, in our case are the most humanitarian thing to do. Firstly they discourage folks from grabbing children, whether they are the parents, or some MS 13 Gang member, or Middle Eastern Terriorist, from dragging g them north to be under, dehydrated, raped, and killed on their trip. 10,000 illegals ha e died trying to cross our border since 2007. And those are just the ones we ha e found. The wall forces illegals to come to ports of entry where we have people, facilities, medical attention and Judges to hear their case.
        We lost 50,000 young soldiers in Vietnam Nam. Last year, fentinol
        that was smuggled over our border killed 70,000 Americans in one year.
        So we Will Build the Wall. We don’t give crap whether you like us or not
        So go back to your ale shop and glue your eyebrows back on. It’s embarrassing for you

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          • They will never, ever admit that problems like that start here. It has to come from elsewhere, preferably somewhere populated mainly with brown people they can vilify.

            Liked by 2 people

        • Building a wall is the most humanitarian thing to do to keep out People trying to escape corruption, violence, and poverty? Think about that for a second.

          The most humanitarian thing to do would be to do the exact opposite and form a north American union and open the boarder. But we aren’t interested in being humanitarians are we?

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      • If walls are not helpful why don’t you ask China how their wall is doing or Israel how their wall is working both would say pretty damn good. Probably should just let Canada… remember without the US Canada will not survive from a military strategic point but keep on talking shit

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      • How is a border wall inhumane? Ignorance. Lol. We allow people into our country but after the process we have set in place. Tell me, does the deelling you reside in have walls, and if so, for what purpose

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        • Heat insulation is the primary function of the walls of my house Jay. Remember: I’m Canadian. Witness the violence at the Berlin and Israeli Walls, the North Korea/South Korea border, and indeed your own southern border this year – at which children have been teargassed and separated from their parents, for examples of inhumanity being perpetrated at unbending obstructions. And I can promise you that you would feel differently about the ‘processes’ in place if they stood between yourself and your family’s access to basic human necessities.

          Liked by 2 people

          • Paul Duncan you just made the perfect argument. Your house has walls to keep out the undesirable elements like heat, cold, snow, wind, rain and yes, people. It’s why there is a lock on your front door, don’t pretend there isn’t. If someone wants to gain entry into your house they knock on the door and you decide whether to let them in or not. If they attempt to gain entry forcefully or through a window it’s a crime. Why should the border function any differently? If you want access to the country you go to the port of entry (the door) and ask permission to enter, anything else is a crime.

            What I’m hearing from you is that you want to live in a world that has no locks on doors. In your communist Utopia you’d get home from work to find some heroin junkies had entered your home, raided the kitchen, then passed out in your bed after shooting up. One of them might actually be dead as he’s cool to the touch and unbreathing. But you’re okay with this, you realize these junkies probably walked a long way to get to your house and who are you to deny them basic human necessities like food, shelter, and a safe place to get high?

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            • Bob. You’re conflating migrants with drug addicts, and personal security with national. One a gross misrepresentation, the other a trite oversimplification.

              Look at many of these comments. Your country isn’t in danger from migrants. You’re in danger of having your ingrained fears manipulated by a particular political party for their gain. And it’s clearly working.

              Liked by 3 people

              • There are similarities. They may not be drug addicts but it is the same principle. Why don’t you open your home to the “asylum” seekers?

                And don’t you think our personal security relates to our national security? How can you have personal security without a safe nation?

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      • Your a fool theres more people in California than. Canada please u have no clue about having millions of illegal criminals entering our country every yr ..smh

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        • There aren’t millions you uneducated retarded fuck! Pick up a fucking book and learn to read you cousin fucking moron.

          Don’t worry Canada, we’ll get that orange buffoon and this supporters of his out of power. Well January 3rd they’ll have no more power in the house. All you retarded fucking Trump supporting Americans need your fucking teeth sunk in. Too bad y’all are pussies like your president.

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          • Big talk coming from behind a keyboard! I thought you liberals were kind and were not violent? And I bet you think Obama was the best President ever.

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    • No, no, I got it! once the barrier is up, maybe we can more H1B1 visas to make it legal and still get cheap labor but now, let’s get it from India. What a bunch of hypocrites we are. Then we can ship every call center over to latin america and treat them like slaves. Yeah! that will work!

      No wait, that is already happening and for 4 years I tried to get a fortune 500 job after having 20 years of programming in Embedded MCUs and got nothing but a technician’s contract.

      Come on people!

      Liked by 1 person

    • We could export a lot more people if we sent our homegrown criminals to Canada. Most “illegal” immigrants are only illegal because you have to be IN this country to request asylum and you aren’t until you officially request said asylum – inside this country. If you bothered to listen to or watch anything other than Fox you would know that immigrants, legal or otherwise, commit far fewer crimes than people born here legally. But truth never suits Trump’s brainwashed followers.

      Liked by 5 people

      • Okay, fair enough! So followers of Trump you claim are brain washed. That’s fine! Please give us your well thought out definition of followers of Mrs Clinton and Obama! Turn about is fair play. Go for it!

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              • There is truth in this statement, however its 2 sided. Both sides have used unsophisticated language to undermine there so called opposition. By not recognizing and taking a side without acknowledging your own sides idiocy. Proves you have narrow minded ideology that is just dangerous as the one you oppose!

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            • Yup. And there it is, basal intelligence from the Trump cronies. Cannot have a productive conversation with one because they don’t have any valid arguments and can only resort to name calling and personal slander.
              You are not making America great, you are simply perpetuating and feeding in to hate and fear.
              Perhaps you should open your eyes and learn something.

              Liked by 3 people

          • Omg, Lady where have you been , in a comma , Obma did do one thing, nothing,, Now Miss Clinton should have left Bill a long time ago , she might have had a chance , you see even a Great woman can only put with so much , goes to show was never about the right thing to do ! Remember I did not have sexually relations with that woman. , this is why nobody will ever get impeached. No TRUMP is not perfect , and yes he says Stupid stuff. But he loves this Country. More then I can say for the LEFT

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            • You go Ronnie.. I’m on the Trump train.. Obama was the worst president ever. He never gave a shit about this country and still doesn’t. He can’t even place the right hand over his heart. If Obama was still a president oh my God unemployment would be Sky High. I say LOCK them all up.

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            • Trump loves nothing and no one but himself. He doesn’t love America or it’s constituents, he proves that every day by increasing the divide, pits blue against red, encourages discord between ‘the white man’ and women, those of colour, the disabled, LGBTQ, he alienates the closest allies and instead befriends 2 of the worst dictators in the world. And still you think he is worthy? Fear mongering sheeple….it’s sad to watch the internal combustion of a country that WAS once great turn on themselves in a reality version of The Hunger Games. Pitiful actually.

              Liked by 1 person

      • Bobbi Wilt Where did you get that information? Post a link or give a source.
        “Illegal immigrants” aren’t immigrants at all, they are citizens of countries who cross another nation’s border without permission. When they do it in large organized groups, they are members of an invading force.

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      • This has absolutely nothing to do with brainwashed Trump followers hammerhead!!! Simply stated for numb nuts like yourself, there ARE already, EXISTING laws on the books, at the federal level that DIRECTLY and SPECIFICALLY dictate immigration policies of the USA!!!! Snowflakes like you are totally in ignorance of these statutes and their lack of enforcement over the last 40 years or so. If you listen to billy Clinton and barak Obama on this topic when they got elected, both of them gave congressional speeches decrying the lack of enforcement and the need for handling the problem! No One has deported more illegals than Obama, funny you didn’t mention or better yet, know this FACT. Try to be more informed and less Partisan with future comments! Here’s something you in particular should chew on for a while; Both political parties work for the same corporation, knucklehead!!!

        Liked by 1 person

        • The difference. When Obama was deporting people, it was legally. Laws were not broken. Will you turn over your gun when the govt comes and tells u to, even the the law says you are allowed to possess it? You cant let them just choose what laws to follow.

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    • the us survives because of undocumented work not despite it. over 50% of farming workers ARE undocumented. it’s been like that for more than 50 years. it’s just a great ’cause’ for you xenophobes to drool over while you’re literally being fed by the same people you despise.

      Liked by 2 people

        • Yes, David, but then no one would be picking them for you. Just look at the crops going fallow and rotten right NOW in California, Arizona, Utah, and Texas. You are already paying more, but it’s because of the waste, not the loss of immigrants.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Bullshirt yoyo!!! Fruits and veggies have become year round commodities and are sourced from South America among others, that’s why they go fallow here in the US!!! There are more than enough illegals here to pick them, they have simply migrated to California, the home of illegal immigration for the last 40 years!!! Read the book Mexifornia and maybe then you’ll have a far better grip on the immigration problem than this liberal comeback meant to shame people you debate this topic with!

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      • Pretty ignorant comment to think people despise other people because they work. WE WANT THEM TO WORK. For freaks sakes. We just want them to do it the right and legal way. It’s really not that hard to understand. Maybe if you had even 1 friend who fought to get their status here, you would see they don’t like it either. The ones that don’t want to do it legally have other intentions, whether it’s criminal in nature or free benefits. I know quote a few people who are undocumented and they live better then I do with their 2 shopping carts full of steak every month. Stop being a sheep.

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          • Please wake up to the facts. Illegal immigrants actually pay more taxes with zero benefits. And how? Because not being a US citizen meane not receiving benefits, however, everything they buy is taxed. Housing, cars, clothes, food, gas, electricity, water, etc. They actually pay more taxes than the rich do but admitting that would undermine your argument. Most people who come here illegally do so because the process to get in is so extreme and long. It usually takes over 10 years and often times the only ones allowed are the super educated. And while that makes sense for US it also makes sense for THEM to choose to go here illegally, especially if it means a good life for their family. Illegal immigrants also have lower crime rates than the average American, but you wouldn’t accept that as the truth either. Look, if you’re angry about them stealing jobs, how about you start to admit that you can’t steal a job. It isn’t a stolen. A company hired an illegal immigrant over a us citizen and did so knowingly. Your “president” has been caught with illegal immigrants as part of his housekeeping. You can attack immigrants all you want, no one can stop you, but how about you start looking at the people hiring them? Do you want them penalized for knowingly hiring illegal immigrants over Americans? For breaking the law at your expense?

            Liked by 1 person

            • Don’t we as Americans pay all those same taxes? Including payroll, ss, etc.? Which most of the “illegal’s” don’t because they get paid cash. And the ones that do have fake identification papers that allow them benefits? So how do they pay more than the as you call them “rich” Americans?

              Maybe we should look at who hires them but we should also check their paperwork better for false identity. And better border security would make all these questions disappear wouldn’t it?

              You say they commit less crime but they are all criminals since they are committing the crime of immigrating here illegally.

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    • You do realize the immigrants we denied went to Canada and they helped them? America is a country made from immigrants WHO TOOK OVER REAL NATIVE AMERICAN LAND. So please educate yourself. You justify not letting immigrants in because you think they don’t deserve a better quality of life BUT your ancestors were in the same perdiciment. It’s a shame your forgot your roots.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Horse plop. Canada put native children in Indian Schools to indoctrinate natives to be more like Caucasians. Many native children were thrown out 3rd story windows for crying. Their hair was cut off. They were severely beaten for speaking our language. They were molested too. Canada wasnt good to natives.

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      • Dev, this has absolutely nothing to do with forgetting ones’ roots you fool!!! Immigrants who came here, did so LEGALLY, LEGALLY at least my ancestors did, did yours??? These illegals now a days don’t ASSIMILATE to AMERICAN culture!!! Naturally they get a better life than they left, without question and what we as Americans have a right to do is make sure the become citizens according to OUR laws, already on the books, in addition to , ASSIMILATING into OUR culture, NOT theirs!!! To be AMERICAN, means exactly that. People like you want the US to be Multicultural! We are a country where everyone is the same, yet different, we have for our entire history become one for the good of all, no other country can claim that, only we can!!! You can have you own cultural, religious, ethnic and language habits that you want simply at home , where they belong! You, as and immigrant, have no right, when illegal, to protest, or decry ANY US policies or laws! Do it, get thrown out, you along with them!!! We are talented because of our heritage strong because we are ONE!!!

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        • The issue I’m having here is with you lack of understanding that culture is a good thing. American “culture” is a mishmosh of other cultures. We came here illegally and nearly exterminated all native tribes and cultures to expand our own, to be quite honest, lack of culture. Culture is where we get new music, art, ideas, advancements. Where do you think we got math and science?!?? Of course as people are here longer they become
          More Americanized. But forced assimilation never works and is unethical

          Liked by 1 person

          • We came here illegally? Was there a United States then or even a Nation? Did people get together and make laws and become one people as a whole for their protection? And have over 300 million people that have to be accounted for and taken care of? And even knew they were there in the first place?

            Did nation building and land exploration do harm to others? Yes of course it did. But these are two different things in two different times of history.

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            • Yes, actually. Natives had their own laws, alliances, cultures, etc. And then we came here, decided it was ours, murdered, and forced natives to assimilate. Also United States imperialism is the reason that these conditions exist in Central America, causing these waves of immigration. Had the United States not become so involved in everyone’s business, it would not have to answer for its sins of the Past. If you’d like, I can send u materials for the imperialism and native units I teach for my US history courses.

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              • Maybe in your state you don’t get to learn much about the Native Americans, but in New York it’s a huge unit in social studies. Their laws and customs were actually more civilized and advanced that European ones and we came here and destroyed.

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                • We didn’t destroy anything. People from history past did. Remember from mistakes don’t repeat but don’t also give away what we worked for. It is not our generations fault we were born into this mess but we shouldn’t give what we have away.

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              • U.S Imperialism is not what made Central America what it is. Most of Central America is problematic because of its own corrupt people. Send it along always willing to read more information.

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                • Bill, You don’t know sh it about the history of Central America. Start by learning what evil things GHW Bush did to Guatemala, Cuba, El Salvador, etc. And why the CIA killed JFK.

                  Then you will have part of a clue.

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                  • I forgot you know everything from your great liberal education. There are two sides to every single story and bias in every written piece. You don’t think Che had anything to do with messing up Cuba? Quit thinking it is always the US’s fault

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    • Actually you already do, with printed directions if needed. They are crossing into Canada by the thousands, even citizens of the U.S. Trying to escape your tyrant President I would think.

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  2. I absolutely agree. Shows how Canadians have all their priorities messed up. How about that money going to help First Nations kids in disadvantaged areas get scholarships? Or how about helping low income Seniors?

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    • Same thing could be said for all the money Trump wants for his stupid wall. And the money his idiot followers are donating to the GoFundMe could do something good instead of something evil.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Bob, do yourself a giant favor….realize that No other nation on earth has ever or will ever donate the amount of charity that the US has in total, period!!! Additionally, the illegal population gets subsidy from taxpayers, again more aid of charity however you look at it! So to accuse “idiot” followers of Trump would seem to not be appropriate! You see, there are laws regarding the proper handling of immigration into this great nation and need to be followed and it’s people just like you in this country, that thinks it’s OK to simply skirt those laws and with no penalty what so ever. Now that seems a hell of a lot more idiotic than wanting a wall or some for of control in support of EXISTING law doesn’t it……you idiot liberal?????

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        • From an American to an American. This is a nation of immigrants. Always was- always will be. And when did God say only you could live in this part of the world.? We throw goods and food out by the tons. I’d like to see all recent immigrants just leave. Who would pick your crops, make the beds, mops floors do the dirty work. Even Trump has an illegal making his bed. Good for Canada. Show what fools we are. This isn’t about a wall. This is about Trump keeping a stupid campaign promise that is going to cost us money better spent elsewhere. Besides. Don’t worry about immigrants. You’d better worry about Isis at your door now we’ve left our allies in the lurch.

          Liked by 1 person

          • There’s an illegal housekeeper in the White House?
            And yes we are a nation of immigrants, legal immigrants that became American citizens and assimilated.

            Like

    • How about the US spend that border wall money doing the same? Oh and by the way, I know you couldn’t comprehend it because you’re a Trump supporter and all, but this is satire. You can look that word up later.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Since your not a Trump supporter maybe you can define the word for everyone with your superior liberal education that tells everyone how and what to think.

        Like

  3. Satire people. There is no gofund me 6 billion Dollar account….
    Raised in 2 hrs no less lol.

    Over a yr ago this site claimed we had a 6000km+ hedge up already and it had been shaped in places into giving the US the finger….

    But hey don’t use any common sense or critical thinking just get all worked up over satirical articles. The post are almost as funny as the article itself.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Please excuse the Liberal STUPIDITY from this side of the fence. Here in Canada we would just put illegal immigrants up in fancy Hotels at tax payers expense.

    Like

    • From left to right: there is no fence. I’m not a Liberal. And the accommodations that refugees and those seeking asylum are being housed in are far from fancy. And even if they were, so what? Let’s be the nation that accepts the marginalized of the world and treats them with dignity. I’ve had it with the clutching, grabbing, tininess of 2018, Joe. We’re better than this. And if we aren’t, then we should learn to be.

      Liked by 4 people

      • But what makes them marginalized? And why can’t their corrupt countries take care of their own people for once? What about our tired , our poor, our hungry, our weak? What about our homeless, our disabled, our vets, our orphans, our sick, our kids that celebrities overlook and adopt from Africa? Don’t our kids get a chance too? At some point the old “hippie” saying “think globally act locally” needs to be put into , not only environmental action but human action.

        Like

  5. Lol. I understand satire and living in the US I understand xenophobic ignorance. Most of these xenophobes have never left their little cities and towns and explored the actual world. Their fears come from a mix of racism, changing demographics and their lack of understanding of generational shifts that are happening in the US. They get their programming from the likes of Fox news and a ranting maniac so called president. The hysterical fear mongering has been going on for decades coming from pundits and politicians in the GOP. They are insanely delusional and hyper fearful and the base has been whipped into a frothing mad frenzy of pear and paranoia that makes the Rwd Scare look tame. A certain segment of the US population, old white men and their fearful women folk, are terrified at the changes in America and are acting on base knee jerk emotional fear responses, not reality.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think I have heard this before, oh yeah on every liberal website, tv show, news feed, and tweet. Looks like there needs to be an original thought somewhere without blaming Fox News. And why are you blaming yourself? You are a white male, are you the problem? With regurgitating MSNBC talking points you are part of the problem.

      Like

  6. I so will be moving north of your privacy hedge if the White House sitting lunatic doesn’t either resign (and take his Pence with him!) or (my choice) wind up in prison for the next 30 years.

    And I’m not joking either!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Actually I think the proposed hedge would be beautiful! Just think how it would look from space! And I admire Paul Duncan’s terrific wit and humane philosophy very much. Respect for others in need is in short supply everywhere these days, particularly in my own USA. Paul is right- we need to be better than this.

    Like

  8. Canada, we invite you to offer up that 6 billion to ship the RIDICULOUS AMOUNT of ‘well meaning victims’ (all at once mind you) to your country of social justice warriors. DO IT. Put your ‘hedge fund’ where your mouth is.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s amazing what people believe. Unemployment would be sky high if Obama was still in office.. yea, sure, because it only went down EVERY SINGLE YEAR that he was in office, he came in at nearly 10% and lowered it to 4% in his time. However, it’s not very often that out economy is doing good, unemployment is low, and yet we are still running a deficit with our annual budget. Trump managed to be one of the 1st to accomplish that goal. Lmao. More national debt in a year than weve ever had. #TrumpIsBadForUSEconomy

    Like

  10. Absolutely hysterical!

    “And in under two hours we collected $6 billion Canadian. Which is extraordinary, really, given the time of year, and current cost of hockey tickets.”

    Priceless! Thanks for the giggles! Will share! Merry Christmas, Canada! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hello from the U.S. This is one if the best things I’ve read, ever! Thank you for having a sense of humor. Lord knows we need it right now!

    Like

  12. Since walls don’t work, how many of you are volunteering to take the ones off of your homes? I am sure you will be safe and your things will still be right where you leave them. While we are at it, we need to get rid of those pesky walls all over those prisons – TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE.

    Like

    • Interesting comparison. Homes that depend on walls for security are, in the end, prisons. And prisons are, well, prisons.

      Walls are ineffective because they don’t attempt to solve the problems that caused the drive to erect them in the first place. The proposed US border wall is receiving a large amount of ridicule because it is accompanied by the simplistic belief, belied by both historical examples and common sense, that shutting yourselves in is an effective way of improving anything. Be it yourself in a neighbourhood, your home town in a nation, or your nation in the world. We share society as individuals, we share the planet as countries. Pretending otherwise is a damagingly distracting, and deeply selfish view. One that ironically traps you within it, even while failing to keep the things you fear out.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Only one with the perception of one wall as being locking yourself in sees it that way. And you say other walls in history were to keep people in? Well yes we are trying to keep people in Mexico until they have documentation to enter the US. Have you ever looked at immigration policies of other countries except the US and Canada? Just look at Mexico

        Like

    • Additions from the me, Kenn, the original poster.

      Insert broken hockey sticks into the ground, ouchy bit pointing up (free), drizzle it in a million gallons of maple syrup (almost free). That should keep the murderous and rapist Americans out… But we only need to worry about one. You know who.

      Like

  13. Am I mistaken, or does the opening sentence unmentionable state that Trump is the best President in U.S. history? By saying that he’s, “the 46th worst president in United States history,” you saying that there were 45 presidents worse than him, making him the best.

    Also, Trump is the 45th President.

    Maybe I’m missing a joke here, but I think the writer has mistakenly praised President Trump, which is honestly the funniest part of the whole story.

    Like

  14. It’s amazing to me how much hate speech a satirical piece has caused, much of it driven by misinformation, lies told by others, or simply one’s own bigotry. Particularly in the US. If I were Canadian, or native to almost any country on the planet, I’d be laughing at us too.

    No matter what side of the aisle – or border – we find ourselves on, everyone need to settle down and let civility return to how we address and respond to each other.

    Like

  15. So many replies. It was cute though. Very well written. BUT He’s not nearly as hated as they make out. Some people need to do something more than troll. Have fun people. Live life. Now this trump supporter has to go to work.

    Like

  16. A BS story since GoFundMe campaigns are capped at 1 Billion. A bunch of ‘ghost’ contributors who will never pay a penny to this gives very little credibility to the article. I could contribute a few hundred million to a campaign as well. Doesn’t mean anything if I don’t ever write the check.

    Like

    • And Canada can afford a cavalier attitude about border protection since they don’t have 10,000 plus so-called refugees trying to cross into their country illegally bringing known criminals and terrorist elements with them.

      Canada could actually afford to help us pay for our wall since their national defense budget is so small thanks to their southern neighbors having their backs.

      Like

      • Whoosh!

        sat·ire
        /ˈsaˌtī(ə)r/Submit
        noun
        the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
        synonyms: mockery, ridicule, derision, scorn, caricature

        Like

  17. We need a real wall to keep the usa refugees from coming here ….there is no reason Africans and Haitians from usa should be allowed to come and suck off our tax system ….migrants are refugees and do not do anything but take from our tax dollars that is here for the canadians already here …..wow we are a stupid nation …or ar least Trudeau is.

    Like

  18. Could you all save any left over money so we can use it to tear down the wall on ours? It will save time in starting another gofundme page

    Like

  19. So I guess Trump getting the troops out of Syria where Obama had sent them illegally after covertly backing some terrorists and overtly backing the FSA – to the tune of 400,000 Syrian dead doesn’t count for much?

    If there was an idiocracy you and the rest of the warmonger loving liberals would be leading it.

    Geez… you are, actually.

    Like

  20. It’s going be a hedgerow maze though, right? It’s already fun to go to Canada but now I’ll be able to stop and stretch my legs. #canadasthebesteh #iheartjustintrudeau

    Like

  21. Dearest Abigail,

    I know your loving heart will have been waiting to hear from me. I hope you and everyone at home is healthy and well.

    We have been marching towards the northern border for weeks and the weather has been getting worse and worse. This ain’t no Carolina winter. We finally reached the border 2 days ago and were excited to meet our northern foes whom we have heard so much about. We had hoped for a swift and easy invasion, after all those maple leaf chewing wimps would not know how to respond to seeing true Americans marching onto their soil, but would you know it? Those covering their fried tater sticks in gravy and cheese Canucks have planted a hedge on the border. A HEDGE! So, we are working on a new strategy because our muskets have yet to make a dent in those hedgerows, about a dozen men are stuck inside the hedge. Col. Cheerwine has sent a troop to the nearest home depot to obtain shears for every man and boy. Until then we will have to listen to those Canucks apologizing aggressively for the hedge inconvenience.

    Yours truly,

    Bubba

    Liked by 1 person

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