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Risqué Canadian Throws Sweater-Optional New Year’s Eve Party

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The host of the party has offered assurances that taking off your sweater in public is perfectly legal, and that only those who feel comfortable participating should do so.

Known amongst her friends as a “winter hard, play harder” type of person, Roxanne Deloitte, of Frozen Toe, B.C., says that after a nasty incident involving a snowmobile and a four-hundred-foot cliff in early December, she decided that for this edition of her annual year-end party she was just going to let it all hang out.

“So I’m throwing a sweater-optional party. Racy, I know, but what the hell? You only freeze once.” 

While Deloitte admits many of her usual guests have chosen to go elsewhere to ring in the New Year – opting instead to remain happily swaddled in their upper-body cocoons – her choice reflects a growing trend amongst Canadians to pretend they live somewhere nice. 

“I hear down in Key West they have whole resorts where no one wears any sweaters at all,” says Yvonne Portier, of Orteils Gelés, Quebec. “God knows my husband wouldn’t go for that, but personally I find the idea kind of exciting.” 

Other Canadians say their refusal to wear warm attire is a combination of pragmatism and vanity. 

“My house has been wool-free ever since I discovered that was why I’d been itchy for the first 40 years of my life,” says Rex Clarke, speaking (topless) in his kitchen in Churchill, Manitoba, his teeth clattering between cyanotic lips like a spilled box of Tic Tacs. “Sure, I could just wear synthetics, or cotton blends, but why would I want to cover up a figure like this?” he asks, spreading his arms to reveal a magnificently pale, and impressively undefined, version of the human form.  

For her part, Roxanne says she hopes that the few guests who have confirmed their attendance to her risqué soirée will be able to enjoy the evening responsibly.

“You know Canadians. As soon as we take off that top layer things can get pretty wild. Just look at how we behave in Mexico.”

 

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