News

President Of Nation With Reusable Rockets And Reciprocal Visas Says No Way To Improve On Wheels And Walls

Artist’s depiction of regressive rockets landing in a field near an unimprovable wheel shelf and upright stop thing.

After a lifetime of pondering such weighty questions as why men go bald, not all Eastern European women can speak English, and failing at business is the best way to be considered an astute entrepreneur, Donald Trump today released a black pearl of wisdom that will surely echo through the remaining twenty-odd months of civilization as we know it.

 

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An actual thought. Had by an actual person. In the 21st century. One who was elected the leader of an actual country. That refers to itself as a superpower.

Grateful to have that cleared up, the U.S. government set to work destroying SpaceX’s reusable rockets, and the millions of aircraft created over the last 115 years; as well as all boats, hovercraft, and  mag-lev trains – all consigned to the scrap heap for being vapid distractions from the traditional and completely unimprovable wheel.

They then proceeded to annul every tax treaty, trade agreement, reciprocal visa arrangement, and strategic alliance the United States has ever made; for being redundant wastes of time and money that pale in comparison to the classically nuanced – and technically advanced – approach to global geopolitics: the vertical obstruction.

“It’s a shame really,” said a crestfallen woman, as she watched the plane she was supposed to be taking to visit her parents in the U.K. smoulder on the tarmac of John F. Kennedy International airport (now just called the Cart And Wheelbarrow Parking Lot), and pondered never seeing her mother or father again.

“It sure felt like we’d made progress since the days when people thought the earth was flat, the sun went around it, wheels were best hewn out of rock, and walls were as handy for keeping out lions and bears as ensuring domestic trade advantages.”

She looked around the airport, full of people who trace their lineages back to every valley, steppe, glen, and delta on Earth, all staring out at the destruction of the useless contraptions they’d been collectively fooled into thinking were improvements on the pinnacle of conveyance that is the wagon. In the distance the setting sun gleamed off of the glass facade of the United Nation’s Manhattan headquarters. She shook her head. 

“What was I thinking? The president’s right. Things don’t get better. And they sure never change.”

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4 replies »

  1. I love these posts. From a US citizen who is astounded at the stupidity of what a mere handful of us elected, you are providing a wonderful relief valve in laughter to get through it all. Counting the days til he’s gone, but will miss these excellent descriptions of his term. Posts on other subjects are equally enjoyable, but these are especially good!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes these WONDERFUL epistles should be seen by ALL
      But the BIG ❓❓❓is…..would they understand them? After all look who they elected‼️‼️
      As a very proud Canadian. ( UEL lineage no less!) but with 2 of our 3 sons and families living in the USA. We cannot help but feel sad and afraid about the current situation!!!
      Thanks for all the wonderful smiles Paul
      You are amazing ‼️‼️‼️‼️

      Like

  2. I enjoy reading the satire and commentary pieces on all topics here.

    Regarding US politics, the antics and posturing by both the R’s and the D’s runs from amusing to absurd… both the elected and party faithful.

    Like

  3. Once again, I am astounded by your ability to come up with a witty and sanity-affirming response to yet another presidential tweet that leaves me speechless. I’ve spent so much time in the past two years with my jaw on the floor that I think I’m going to need a sling. Thank you for reminding me to laugh!

    Like

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