With U.S. President Donald Trump having proved to be an intolerable intolerant to the majority of Americans, and a growing liability to the rest – who prefer their systemic racism and bigotry to be a tad less in-your-face – a new consensus is quietly swirling in the backrooms of American power. It surrounds an agreement that would have seemed unthinkable at this time last week: To build a wall. One which has the cohere-less leader firmly on the other side.
“It doesn’t have to be high,” Lindsey Graham (R-Uok) was overheard murmuring to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Fense) in an alcove of the Capitol Building. “Gawd knows the man key-ant juhmp. And it sure doesn’t have to be long. Ol’ chicken legs wouldn’t walk 250 yawds to HW Bush’s funeral. I doubt he’ll make it more than a few steps in the dezz-ert.”
With recent polls showing that 100% of Americans who don’t own reductive red hats agree that the best thing the president could do for the United States is not be in the United States, many politicians on both sides of the aisle say they are now in favour of having a rapid construction crew on standby for Trump’s upcoming visit to the border.
“It’s sort of perfect,” Senator Chuck Schumer (D-Feat) openly mused to Sen. Jeff Flake (R-DArAr) while waiting for an elevator earlier today. “On Thursday we’ll tell him that the cranes and diggers are all part of his photo-op. Then we just set-up the podium for his speech on the Mexican side, and while he’s rattling on about his wall stopping gangs and snakes and hurricanes, we have everyone pull back and drop the barrier in place. The man will be an illegal alien before he even knows what hit him.”
While experts have warned that a singularity of justice that poetic could blow a hole in the very fabric of the universe itself, pretty much everyone on Earth has agreed that we will just have to take that chance.
“I’d pay every dollar my descendants will ever make for the rest of time just to see the look on Trump’s face when he realizes he got his wall in the end, but is on the wrong damn side of it,” said Barack Obama, at this week’s meeting of the WTAF Club For Former Presidents.
“It’s not like there’s anyone who’s going to throw the guy a rope,” agreed George W Bush, from the other side of the table. “Hell, it was all Melania’s idea in the first place.”