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Trudeau Wins Regina Town Hall By TKO After Choking Out Conspiracy Theorist In 3rd Round

 

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Fight referee John McCarthy, reminding askers that eye-gouging, head-butting, and ridiculous discrimination is not allowed.

Leaving no doubt that he is the best pound-for-pound prime minister to get in the ring with the general public since Jean Chrétien famously throttled a protester in 1996, Justin Trudeau made short work of a questioner who threw everything in the Infowars Guide To General Paranoia at him, in a town hall meeting held Thursday evening in Regina, Saskatchewan.

Showing why he’s called ‘That Otter Guy, No The Otter Guy,’ in his home province of Quebec, Trudeau struck midway through the challenger’s rambling attack on the entire Islamic religion of 1.8 billion people – in which the unknown disputer threw such haymakers as claiming ‘they’ want to kill ‘us’ in a room in which (statistically speaking) there would have been at least a dozen Muslims, none of whom appeared even moderately inclined. 

“Canada is a country that was built by immigration,” the PM said quietly, as he executed a foot first leap across the spotlit octagon, gathering the man’s neck into a vicelike leg lock in midair, and taking him to the mat.

“Waves of people fleeing religious prosecution, fleeing tyranny, trying to find a better life, have all came here for the same thing,” Trudeau continued, while the conspiracy slowly drained out of the man’s face, and he flailed about for an unverified news source. 

“To be able to live in peace. To raise their families. And to create a better future for themselves, and their communities.”

While the match was effectively over at that stage, with the challenger still refusing to submit the referee allowed Trudeau to apply an extended history lesson on the basics of Canada. Predictably, it was when the PM brought the feared “Arm Lock of Empathy” to bear – using his free hands to encourage his opponent in the to consider the current round of immigrants in relation to of the other cycles of newcomers this nation has welcomed – that the man tapped out. 

Standing in the middle of the ring as he collected the belt for Undefended and Admittedly Bare Minimum Standard of the World, the Prime Minister added these parting words; a challenge to all comers in the weeks, months, and years ahead:

“Immigration is an economic benefit to Canadians. It makes our communities more resilient. It makes our country stronger. And it will continue to.”

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