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Britain To Hold 2nd Referendum Asking Whether Voters Want To Have A Future Or Be Fucking Idiots

Faced with either economic stability or arguing over who gets the meaty bits of the last rat, no one is sure just which way the UK will vote.

Two-and-a-half years after the allegedly great nation of Britain voted to depart the European Union – in response to promises of free pasties for everyone if they did, and regularly scheduled parades of Land Rovers driven by tea-making bulldogs, who have never missed an episode of Coronation Street, and don’t much like all these foreigners – the nation appears poised to reconsider.

“I have yet to be given a free pasty,” said Jeremy Corbyn, the leader of the opposition Labour Party, and man who has witnessed – and at times supported – arguably the second largest democratic self-own of the 21st century so far. Brexit. Which is a clever mashing together of the words “Britain,” and, “There are hungry polar bears out there, I highly recommend you do not exit.”

“Also you should know that my bulldog pooched my tea this morning, in addition to missing last week’s episode of Corrie,” the would-be prime minister added, rising in the UK’s House of Commons to deliver a eulogy for a bad idea poorly executed. “Sadly, I think we must admit that the nightmare is over. Or, at the very least, ask the people of this formerly-united kingdom; would you rather play the piano or chew off your own fingers?”

To this Prime Minister Theresa May strenuously objected, calling Corbyn’s comparison unfair, and saying that Brexit was much more like slamming a heavy front door shut on one’s head to prove to your neighbour that you don’t like him.

Semantics aside, by the end of the day the members of the second-slowest political train wreck in living memory had agreed to once again let the people speak. But that this time the referendum question would be posed significantly more honestly than the last.

“The ayes have it,” the speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, said in the chaotic moments immediately following a snap vote on whether or not to allow Britons anywhere near a significant decision ever again.

“The motion is passed,” Mr. Bercow continued. “At a date yet to be determined – but that will have to be sometime this week – the voters will again return to the polls to cast a ballot either in favour of, or against,” here he looked down to double-check the wording, “being fucking idiots.”

But while shouts and cheers went up around the oak-panelled room, and the unmistakable smell of hope was scented in the august hall for the first time since June of 2016, not everyone looked confident.

“Mate,” said one MP, who asked not to be named, “The people still have to vote.”

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