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Canada Names Public Square In Middle Of Toronto After Indigenous Protester Nathan Phillips

People enjoying Nathan Phillips Square, and: Nathan Phillips.

Mayor John Tory of Toronto today announced that an extremely prominent square in the centre of his city would be named after the Indigenous protester, Nathan Phillips, who was recently surrounded by young men wearing MAGA hats at Washington’s Lincoln Memorial. The high school group then proceeded to aggressively enjoy Mr. Phillips’ traditional drumming; not at all jeering and making fun of his attempts to dial down a tense situation.

The city’s move is unlikely to sit well with the Trump administration, which has – unusually for them – decided in this case to side with the white people.

“Here we are in Nathan Phillips Square,” the mayor said, speaking from the large public space directly in front of Toronto’s City Hall, before going off on a tangent about affordable housing, a vote against police floats in next year’s Pride Parade, and the importance of shovelling your sidewalk.

While Mr. Tory never did return to the subject of the square’s christening, seeming to feel that a simple acknowledgement of the name was sufficient, the event was quickly noticed by American news outlets.

“Canada Names Half Of Capital City After Native American Activist Who Never Actually Deployed,” shouted one Fox News headline, alerting the masses to Canada’s general ignorance of the hurt that has been caused to the respectful young men, as well as the Fox News Network’s almost willful lack of basic Canadian geographical knowledge.

“Moose-Huggers Disrespect Our Youth, Rename CN Tower “Black Muslim Minaret,” whispered Breitbart, with classic understatement, clearly not wanting to rush to judgement.

And finally, from The Daily Caller: “Blame Canada.”

But while the right-wing reaction to their northern neighbour’s attempt to honour Mr. Phillips is clearly outsized, what can’t be denied is how quickly Canadians appear to be taking to the change.

“Nathan Phillips Square is my favourite part of our city,” said one Toronto youngster, just four years old, but already surprisingly up on today’s breaking news. “I like skating here, and getting hot chocolate,” she added, before laying it on a little thick.

“And in the summer we come to Nathan Phillips Square to get hot dogs, and ice cream, and throw change in the water fountain.” Other children from the young lady’s class all nodded in agreement.

Visiting American reporters expressed shock at how quickly the youth of Canada had adopted the new name, and said it reminded them of a viral brain-washing of minors that they had witnessed somewhere else recently, but couldn’t quite place where.

“But beyond all that,” said one correspondent from the NY Times, looking around the dense downtown core at the numerous city placards depicting the new name, “How the hell did you get all of these signs made so quickly?”

 

For more sub-zero satire, follow  The Out And Abouter on Facebook, or @OutAndAbouter on Twitter.

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26 replies »

      • Why shame a poor person who was trying to do good? Were you dropped on your head or bullied. Because you are certainly projecting meanness. What happened to the kind Canadian? If I were this Nathan I would sue you.

        Like

      • SHHHHHH pranking US immigrant veterasn who are pissed!

        US Veteran and Native American Nathan Pjillips gets a city square named after him in Toronto, Canada.
        This was in response to the US immigrant veterans that are attacking the Nathan since last friday for trying to calm down two racists groups taunting one another with slurs racially insensetive chants by over 100 Catholic School Boys wearing MEGA hats at the Lincoln Memorial toward 4 Black Israeiltes that were being virbaly ataganistic toward the chilren and Nathans Group that came to the memoral at the end of their March.
        Agent Orange Aligators Tear Crying and Feeding Centers were set up for civilian Trump suppters to serve federal government employees and conservative Vietnam Cobat veterans who are feeling particularly greaved because nobody in the US gave them a paycheck for a parade.
        Yoga classes were also provided to those suffering form the epidemic of political prezzle syndrom raging the GOP today,
        Multiple pearl clutching stokes reported.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Atta..kili..lila waste ..great things come to great people..ive known nathan..from the rock..he is a true warrior..always sacrificing himself before others n to.keep.the peace..the good lord knows how many times we did that a standing rock but the songs n the heart beat of that cancega keeps everyone calm.n sane

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I try to remember that many of us have the same name across the whole continent. It would be nice if we had one exclusive name.
    I think our problems started many years ago when that darn Mayflower arrived, excuse me if you feel offended.

    Like

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