News

71% Of Canadians Now Think Andrew Scheer Has Realistic Shot At Being Awful Prime Minister

2019-02-13

Andrew Scheer, an early frontrunner for dire minister of Canada

In the wake of Jody Wilson-Raybould’s resignation from the Liberal party over her concerns that Justin Trudeau is less prime and more minister than originally advertised, Andrew Scheer has penny-loafed into the minds of Canadians who now find themselves reviewing their options in this election year. 

“Yes,” the CPC leader says emphatically, when asked if he is prepared to become Canada’s worst PM in living memory. “It’s what I’ve been working towards almost 100 days a year, and summer’s off, for most of my adult life.”

71% of Canadians agree it now appears possible that Scheer could tuck into his own downhill roll to victory, much in the same manner as Doug Ford, another great Canadian Conservative, and whose recent electoral victory was as hinged to his platform and abilities as being hit in the head by a foul ball at a baseball game is related to the average fan’s athletic prowess. 

“Dear God that’s frightening,” said one harried-looking woman, taking a moment out of battling Ottawa’s snowscape to offer her feelings on the possibility of Scheer becoming prime minister. “While there are many things I would like to take Justin Trudeau to task for, none of them even come close to the rage I will possess if his mistakes lead to Andrew “King Of Criticism But Pauper Of Policy” Scheer getting four years at the helm.”

“Well, there’s a long ways left to go,” cautioned a man in Victoria, a city that is also currently warring with the deprivations of winter. “But that said, I don’t think it’s too soon to declare that Andrew Scheer would be a truly terrible manager of anything more than a Foot Locker.”

And a shop owner in White Rock, B.C., succinctly summarized the likely arc of his vote with this honest thought:

“I’m going to have a closer look at the Green party and then probably vote Liberal. Has Trudeau underperformed? Absolutely. Do we all need to suffer for this for four years? I really don’t think so.”

 

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