News

Huge Display Of Pomp And Ceremony In DC As Emergency Months In The Making Finally Declared

National Emergency Day In DC.

WASHINGTON – There were fireworks. The Blue Angels performed three flyovers. A tank did burnouts on the south lawn. Random men kissed unknown women in the streets, raising questions of consent. And children asked hard questions, like why is this an emergency but climate change, domestic violence, school shootings, and ballooning numbers of brazen hate crimes are not?

It was all part of National Emergency Declaration Day. A special time when Republicans give thanks for the fact there are poor people without voices in this world, who can be scapegoated with impunity; and vilified as a distraction from the many failings of a dysfunctional government, and faltering economic system in general. 

“It is with great pride that I give to you the signature achievement of my first term as president,” Trump said, speaking to a mostly empty National Mall, as a brisk wind blew through the august space between the Lincoln Memorial and the Capitol Building, a distance that seems to have steadily increased over the last two years. “Following months of planning, and negotiations, and threats, and begging, I present to the American people: A National Emergency.”

Trump then used a large pair of gold shears to cut a red ribbon emblazoned with those exact words, smiling broadly as the sun ducked behind a cloud. The reports of a 45-gun salute echoed across the public space, and a brass band struck up a jaunty version of ‘God Bless (This Specific Interpretation Of) America,’ ringing in this important step in the GOP’s extended campaign to convince the American populace that their greatest threat lies in impoverished people attempting to contribute to their economy; and definitely has nothing to do with their nation’s wealthy, and the increasing facility with which they remove the maximum from a system they contribute less than the minimum to.   

Witnesses to the event expressed disenchantment with the affair.

“I really don’t get how you can plan an emergency,” said a woman from Wichita, after explaining that she came down to the Mall today to take some pictures, an intention that was ruined by the manifest spectacle of Trump play-acting at being a president. 

“I think we’ll all remember where we were the day a humanitarian challenge was inflated into a national emergency in order to appease a particular demographic of voters,” added a man standing nearby, shouting over the roar of jet engines, as the Blue Angel’s F/A-18 Hornets flew by overhead – displaying the military might of a nation brought to a crisis by a general downturn in the number of poor people arriving at their southern border in search of better lives. 

“I know I will.”

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6 replies »

  1. People think of this as being satire. It is not. It is about as factual as it guts, anywhere. Great work, and where do you get the energy?

    Like

  2. Succinct satire at it’s best. Sadly, satirical fodder is all this fool’s good for…kept in place by his highly paid Enablers. Personally, I’m speechless.

    Like

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