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Trump Defends Use Of Translator On Trip To The UK

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The U.S. president expressed relief at being able to find such a specialized interpreter on short notice.

LONDON – After less than three minutes of attempting to speak what he referred to as “some weird form of American,” U.S. President Donald Trump promptly summoned the services of a translator today while meeting with U.K. dignitaries. When a confused-looking linguist appeared, Trump immediately asked him what the hell Cheerios had to do with anything, and informed him that if the Brits were about to have breakfast cereal that he would like his to be of the honey nut variety. 

“It’s a form of salutation,” the translator told Trump, as the president pulled a spoon from his pocket in preparation for the unexpected snackies.

“Fine,” Trump reportedly responded. “But I’ll pour my own milk.”

The decision to use a translator on a trip to a country that speaks the same language marks a first for an American president, or any other leader. Experts have been quick to point out this is simply another example of Mr. Trump flaunting the staid tradition of avoiding looking like an ass to everyone, all of the time, and instead rushing headlong into the history books in much the same manner as a streaker makes his way across a football pitch: disrupting the game with his naked attention-seeking, while daring security to tackle him.

The bemused-looking translator was again tested early when the visiting president met with Prince Charles, who embarked on a lengthy discussion of some of his many humanitarian projects, which Donald seemed unable to comprehend in either American English or English English. 

“What does he mean, ‘Working to eradicate HIV and AIDS?'” Trump was heard to ask the translator loudly, as Prince Charles’ perennially-raised eyebrows managed to hoist themselves a level higher. “Why would he water a disease?”

While far from his first visit to the United Kingdom, Trump said that – with the assistance of an interpreter – this was the first time he’d had any idea what the hell anyone was talking about; which in large part explains his support for both Brexit and Boris Johnson. 

Asked by the local press whether he didn’t find it embarrassing to have to pay someone to explain what people are saying in English, Trump paused and waited for the translation.

“They want to know if you find it embarrassing to have to pay someone to explain what people are saying in English,” the translator duly relayed.

“No. Tell. Them. Noooo,” the president responded, annunciating his words slowly for reasons known only to himself. “And. That. They. Are. From. A. Great. Country. Even. If. They. Talk. Funny. Now. When. Do. We. Get. Those. Cheerios?”

 

For more satire as a second language, follow  The Out And Abouter on Facebook, or @OutAndAbouter on Twitter.

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13 replies »

  1. Later in the event, the president had two of his supplicants help him with his two tiny hands so he could find his own arsehole.

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    • Seeing there were no Honey-Nut Cheerios to be had, Trump’s face balled up with misery and frustrated entitlement. He was about to let out a fearful howl…but then he caught sight of the Buckingham Palace guards, striding impressively along in their red uniforms and gigantic fur hats. Cheerios and Queen instantly forgotten, he gaped like a demented carp at the spectacle. ‘Soldiers!!’ he shouted, waddling toward them as fast as his legs would carry him. ‘Hey, what’s with that hat?’ he commented to no one in particular. ‘%@$#, that must be hot, wearing those things…in fact, gimme one to take home. It’ll make a great present for Vlad when I see him next. They just have the, you know, the little flat version in Russia. It’s cold there all the time. This global-warming crap is full of #&@%, everybody’s saying it’s hot, well, today it is here, but not usually. In fact, my new resort property in North Korea gets pretty cold—oops, well, it was bound to come out eventually: Kim and I, we have this project going. Things take time. Funny people over there, they like eating tree-bark for some reason…nasty, I prefer McDonald’s! So when do we eat around here? Hey! Queen Elizabeth, Liz honey, whaddya got besides no Cheerios, huh? Ha-ha, come on, I wanna hamburger!’

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      • You know, that would seem like the sort of thing people would say is made up. Maybe it is a slight exaggeration. I have no way of knowing. However, considering what we suffer from over here, I could not dispute it! Never. That 11 year old “mind” of his is warped. Even a local, USA ex-shock-jock, who had to spend 4 hours a week in therapy, is now sane as had the same opinion of him. Trump’s childhood must have been very traumatic. His father was a real racist and anti-semite (in this case it is true) and Trump must have gone through hell. Of course, maybe he is just a moron.

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  2. Paul: Please contact Dennis Campbell at Twitter or Facebook. He is another transplamt who may be of mutual benefit. He lives in Wales, I understand, and publishes the U.K. Progressive. Tell him I sent you. He would like to communicate with you.

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  3. I hope he didn’t extend himself to touching our royal sovereign’s person. The translator must repeatedly drive home to the man the fact that we have certain forms of etiquette viz. her majesty, notwithstanding the fact that ma’am’s habillement is a tasteful blue and not, God forbid, wiped orange.

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    • It’s called “satire”. It ANNOUNCES that it is satire. Satire and “fake news” have no relationship to each other. Kindly decease from labelling satire websites (of any persuasion) as “shit-hole sites”. That’s as uncalled-for as refering to “shit-hole countries”, which are actually home to actual human beings.

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    • It’s hysterical that Dr Hymie…isn’t sure. It’s fae news, right? Isn’t it? I mean he really didn’t have a translator and want Cheerios…didhe? I mean it’s definately fake, right? Right?

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  4. Yes, very good. I was only able to say “go away” As I thought he might actually be joking. (I had the same reaction when I first heard Rush Limbaugh and a close friend here reported the same about that strange conspiracy guy (I forgot his name, but he actually finally got kicked off here and FB. (Alex Jones?)

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