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Prime Meridian Spotted Over London For First Time In A Century

img_4502It’s been 170 years since the British discovered the prime meridian (starting point of all lines of longitude on Earth) conveniently located over their capital city, but no one currently alive has ever sighted it with their own eyes, due to rampant industrial pollution and the invention that made Sherlock Holmes famous: fog.

But that all changed today, when Londoners awoke to see a thin line hanging in the sky directly over Greenwich, complete with zero and degree symbol in the upper righthand corner as viewed from space, as any conventional globe would be. 

“Well double me quavers,” said a man out for a morning tweed. “That’s the blousing prime meridian there in the haemorrhaging sky, or I’m not the Earl of Grey.” The man later confessed he’s actually from Edmonton, moved to England last summer, and is just trying to fit in. 

But he was right. There, hanging in the unusually clear blue sky over the city, was the prime meridian. Source of numerous wars with the French, bone of contention with Donald Trump – who once tried to purchase it and move it to Atlantic City, and home of the leader of the autobots, it hasn’t been seen with human eyes since the final days of WWI, when British fighter pilots would occasionally do barrel rolls around it to boost morale.

“I saw it 16 times a day while I was onboard the International Space Station,” interrupted Canadian Astronaut, Commander Chris Hadfield. But no one was listening, because there are only so many times you can hear the fanciful space stories of a likeable moustache, bless his heart.  

The sight was said to buoy spirits in the United Kingdom, where the coronavirus continues to take a heavy toll, and where the shutdown is expected to last well into the summer.

“I’m unlikely to have casual sex until at least August, and may spend the rest of my life unemployed, but seeing with my own eyes that our meridian is still there makes it all worthwhile,” said former Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn, speaking from his residence, as he pondered the devastating irony of having run on a platform of ending austerity one pandemic too early. 

“Maybe it’s a sign,” opined one young man, out for his government-mandated daily muckabout.

But pressed on what it could be signalling he flashed two backwards peace symbols before declaring he hadn’t been in school for a month so if we wanted an essay about saving the planet we would just have to bleedin’ wait. 

And bleedin’ wait we will. 

 

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