Editor’s Note: The events in this article are true. The quotes are fictitious. The state of this situation requires this be made clear. In this, sadly, the satire now consists of simply presenting things baldly.
Two police vehicles attempted to drive through a group of protesters on the streets of New York. A woman sitting cross-legged in Erie was kicked over by those employed to serve and protect. An elderly man using a cane to walk was pushed to the ground in Salt Lake City by law enforcement. Police in Seattle knelt on the neck of a man who had taken to the streets to protest police killing people by kneeling on their necks.
And that was just a sample of what happened to be caught on film, on one single evening, in the United States of America, as police forces across the country turned out in large numbers to remind their citizenry that when it comes to violent, angry gangs, they are the original standard.
As U.S. citizens braced for another wave of tactical violence at the hands of this systemically racist occupying force, many in America asked themselves a simple question: Why do they have to pay for this?
“I understand that it’s a tough job,” said Joyce Watts-Gowwinon, of Minneapolis, as she stood on her porch. The same porch where just the previous evening she’d had police fire paintball rounds at her as she watched them sweep the street.
“But I just don’t see what being more violent, and more angry, than the protesters themselves, is possibly going to accomplish. Especially when that’s the entire reason people are out in the streets: Because in this country cops hurt people with impunity.”
Neighbor Chad Enuffe agrees.
“People are out here protesting police brutality, and the police are answering that back with police brutality. It’s like taking a pump truck full of gasoline to a five-alarm fire – one that the fire department started. Or trying to beat someone into not fearing you.”
Or kneeling on the neck of someone who is saying they can’t breathe.